In his ongoing effort to terrorize America’s tastebuds, Guy Fieri — in addition to infiltrating the heart of America’s culinary scene and stinking up the joint with a gaudy, over-priced crap palace — is apparently distributing new, impossibly awful food abominations across the land via Walmart and Sam’s Club stores, of course. What’s Guy got cookin’ for “the folks” now? Stuff like “Old Skool Pepperoni Pizza Eggrolls” and “Crispy Cheeseburger Ravioli Bites,” that’s what!
But the real crown jewel of this disgusting new frozen food collection may well be the “S’mores Indoors” pizza. And judging from the early reviews that have accumulated on the product’s page on the Sam’s website, it is predictably terrible.
A sampling of the feedback so far…
I love chocolate, graham crackers, and marshmallows – in short, I love s’mores… but this was the worst – and I MEAN the WORST dessert ever.
the taste was HORRIBLE! I would have never expected it to be spicy. These pizza’s were a total disappointment!
This is the worst thing I have ever bought.
It was nasty and we could not eat it.
This is disgusting! What a disappointment!
You remember those ads in the back of comic books for pepper-flavored gum you could give out as a practical joke? I think this is “Guy Fieri”‘s version of that. This stuff is really, really, really, wish I could rate it less than one star, bad.
We purchased this product because it looked delicious on the box and had Guy Fieri’s name on it. I can’t believe he would put his name on this awful stuff!
I know, right? So hard to believe Guy Fieri would allow his sterling name to be attached to such hot garbage. SHOCKING.
This, by the way, was not a selective sampling. Every single review trashed the product. Welcome to FLAVORTOWN!
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from Kevin Seccia (@kevinseccia)
“Every time Guy Fieri forgets to call it “Hotlanta” Chester Cheetah magically appears to remove one flame from his shirt.”
Are we sure that Chester Cheetah and Fieri aren’t just the same person ala Judge Doom?
Flavortown is apparently built on an old coal mine fire.
Uuuuugh. No no no no no.
This sounds like the evil frozen twin of the amazing s’mores cookie bars.
I’m pretty old school and I dont remember anyone being dumb enough to make pizza egg rolls.
I would totally eat the shit out of some pepperoni egg rolls
real deal pepperoni pizza power
sign me up
I’m in on those too
I did some googling on why it was apparently spicy. Someone posted it the problem on Facebook and got a reply from the manufacturing company for Guy’s frozen foods. They said they accidentally got hot pepper mixed into it.
FLAVOR TOWN!
The fact that the spice is the result of an accident makes this all the more shitty.
More evidence that Fieri’s foods are made in the same basement that he cooks his meth in.
I was assuming (and hoping) that the spiciness was an accident. Because, fuck man, if he’s gonna purposefully make s’mores spicy…there’s no hope for survival.
I had a feeling while reading the reviews that the spice was an accident but didn’t believe that something like that could actually happen in a full scale production run. How did no one catch that in quality control before it left the plant? I want to race to my local Wally World and pick one of these suckers up just to see if I get one of the spicy ones!
They said it was an accident? I think that’s a cover. The Food Network Guy Fieri recipe for s’mores pizza lists cayenne pepper and chili powder in the ingredients! No doubt, they’re trying to buy time to re-manufacture new gross bland pizzas to replace the old gross hot pizzas in the hope that they can salvage the brand.
And I read the reviews of the recipe…they all said it was great! Then…you keep reading, and find that everyone who made it DIDN’T use the cayenne pepper or the chili powder and completely altered the entire recipe by adding “homemade chocolate ganache”, “toffee bits”, etc! So he got credit for a great recipe that he didn’t actually come up with at all. Maybe Flavortown products should hire some of the reviewers on the Food Network site to make a good smores pizza. They seem to have some good ideas.
That picture you have looks like the pizza is lying on a public restroom floor.
That is the ideal location for eating Guy Fieri food. The shitter is within eyesight.
Hey, if its good enough for @Dadboner to eat in the bathroom; who am I to judge?
I might eat that in reverse.
Only a true madman would ever conceive of combining s’mores and pizza. But then again, a mind-boggling amount of people seem to like pineapple on their pizza, so I guess you never know.
Is it just me or does that “Welcome to flavortown” logo on the pizza rolls really seem like someone thought it would be great to put a really large phallus as their logo?
Either I’m projecting, or that’s kind of disturbing.
It looks to me like it’s trying to direct you to the product next to this one.
His chef coat looks like it belongs on a NASCAR driver, because EXTREEEEEEEEME.
Had the exact same thought. Doubt he’d have it any other way.
We demand a Leonard’s frozen food review
This is almost as bad as my idea for Ranch Schnapps.
Ha that’s awesome.
Ranch Schnapps wins everything.
That looks like someone threw up a bean and cheese burrito onto a pizza
It looks like the bottom of a rabbit cage.
That literally looks like he let a dog run its ass all over dough. And pepperoni pizza egg rolls leads to the logical next step of bbq chicken sushi and deep fried eel stuffed with cheese and bacon.
Meh. I’m more angered by “Skool”.
Totally. Also, I don’t understand in what way pizza-flavored egg rolls are “old skool.”
Well, knock me over with a feather.
Actually, use something a little more sturdy. I’ve been eating a lot of S’Mores FLAVOR-BLASTIN’ ASS-SMASHIN’ Pizza.
This, in all likelihood, is an abomination. However, the peanut butter & jelly pizza I had at The Italian Oven when I was six years old was probably only a tad better but I still ordered every time we went because six year old me thought it was the bee’s knees out of nine.
What in the wide world of sports is/are s’mores? To the google.
This looks like the kind of thing that could be found in Anna Nicole Smith’s fridge.
You’re killing me smalls.
Jesus fucking Christ.
I would like to propose that the Warming Glow Crew does a office dinner/review of all of Guy Fieri’s frozen food selections. Or since he has a lot of frozen food items, at do an appetizer, main dish, side and dessert. Here’s his “Fresh n’ Frozen” (yes, actual spelling) line of delicacies. Lets pick the items for WG, shall we?
[www.guyfieri.com]
My choises……
Appetizer – Philly Cheese Steak Eggrolls
Side Dish – Mandarin Orange Popcorn Shrimp
Main Course – Ginger Soy Boneless Shortribs
Dessert – and of course, the creme de la crap, S’Mores Indoors
I’m down for this. There should also be a mystery plate where we have to guess what it is.
Good call on that Surly!
Why do you hate us, Saosin? We’re so good to you guys!
No I really would like to see this. And holy shit do cheese steak eggrolls sound way worse than pizza ones.
Bear Grylls would balk at that menu.
We actually had cheese steak eggrolls at my wedding as an appetizer. They were awesome and I ate so many I ruined my dinner. I was eating them during the toasts.
This would be perfect for the Frotcast. Time to man up fellas!
@Cajun Boy – Of course we don’t hate you guys, but achieving moderate success as an internet blogger comes with a price my good sir. That price? Round trip tickets to FLAVOR TOWN!
“….Walmart and Sam’s Club stores, of course.”
This post finally compelled me to sign up just so I could comment. Honest to God the very first thought that came to mind when I saw this was that Guy had a late night brainstorming with too much taco bell got the runs (of course) only to remember too late that he had no toilet paper so he used a piece of dough sitting next to his toilet (because why not?) then later in the same night rubbed one off while watching Rachel Ray and used the same piece of dough to wipe the jizz off his gut (because lets be honest, Guy seems like that guy who digs in his bedside trashcan for used tissue but justifies it by using the “clean” side). Then he rolled over onto it and went to sleep and woke up to see it had flattened into a pizza shape. Of course since food is always on his mind he looked at this disgusting bukake covered shit-stained piece of dough and thought, “how can I sell this shit?”
It love that it took a Guy Fieri s’mores pizza to entice you to finally take the plunge into commenting. Regardless, welcome aboard!
Thanks. Apparently my dislike for Guy far outweighs any desire to remain a neutral reader.
BTW, I’ve been coming here for years and I read this site everyday (twice on Fridays) but yeah this was just the push I needed.
ONE OF US, ONE OF US, ONE OF US!
I am actually more disappointed by the commenter who said it looked delicious on the box. I expect this shit from Guy but the people who reviewed it are part of the problem because they bought it in the first place. Thanks ‘Murica!
I had a problem with … and because it had Guy Fieri’s name on it.
My favorite part came from one of the reviews;
We purchased this product because it looked delicious on the box and had Guy Fieri’s name on it. I can’t believe he would put his name on this awful stuff! The actual product had barely any marshmallows. The marshmallows that were near the edges slid off and burned on the bottom of the oven. The taste was strange, and burned our throats (all 4 family members!). I don’t recommend it at all!
The line I separated out with space because I couldn’t figure out how to bold, HAD GUYS NAME ON IT. Wow!!
He put his name on it because he’s getting paid. I can’t believe there are people who think Guy Fieri = quality.
If you plan on visiting Flavor Town, make sure you visit their neighboring city of Diarrheaville
I don’t blame Guy, I blame the ppl that buy his sh#t and watch his shows. If I made crappy food and ppl bought it, I would never $top
I refuse to believe there was any kind of market research done on this thing. Who would willingly box up and attempt to sell something that appears to be human excrement on a paper plate?
So what’s the over under on “Who’s going to Die First: Guy Fieri or Paula Dean”?
I’m not saying someone should gun down Guy Fieri in a dark alley, but I COULD provide the dark alley for the right price.
It’s like there’s a party in my mouth… and everyone’s vomiting!