The Red Planet. The Fire Star. The Hemorrhoid in the Sky. Mars has many names, but ever since humans developed the ability to look up and saw Big Dusty Rusty just sitting there, acting all lazy like, it’s been our goal to blast someone in a phallus-looking metal magic machine into the black ocean, land on her Edward James Olmos face, and then colonize the hell out of her. Oh man, is anyone else getting hot? *fans self*
Anyway, a new reality show is looking to find a team of Joe Jetpacks to send to Mars in 2023. One-way ticket.
The Netherlands-based nonprofit Mars One, which hopes to put the first boots on the Red Planet in 2023, released its basic astronaut requirements on Tuesday, setting the stage for a televised global selection process that will begin later this year.
Mars One isn’t zeroing in on scientists or former fighter pilots; anyone who is at least 18 years old can apply to become a colony pioneer. The most important criteria, officials say, are intelligence, good mental and physical health, and dedication to the project, as astronauts will undergo eight years of training before launch…The organization will fund most of its ambitious activities by staging a global reality-TV event that follows the colonization effort from selection through the settlers’ first years on Mars. (Via)
If The Simpsons has taught us anything, it’s that the “SIMPSONS ARE GOING TO MARS” episode will air in 2018. Also, anyone can become an astronaut, once you kick alcohol and wake up at the crack of dawn everyday and love eight years of intense, boring training and don’t mind never seeing your family again and could easily die in space, where apparently no one can hear you scream, except for the other astronauts, who will throw you out the window before you even land on Mars once cabin fever sets in. Really, it’s a win-win situation.
It also makes for great reality TV. I mean, not as good as this…
…but pretty close.
(Via NBC News) (GIF via)
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/679/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/it-looks-like-nasas-kepler-telescope-has-come-to-the-end-of-the-road-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/blachman-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/04/mars-penis-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/04/Anastasia-150x150.jpg)
I accidentally read all the way to the end of the post. Now I can’t close my eyes, lest that image continue to burn its way deeper into my psyche.
Where was the “NSFW after the jump” warning?
More like NSFLife.
This reminds me of Doctor Who The Waters of Mars. People who will be famous for dying on Mars.
Nice, this is the first step toward three-tittied hookers!
MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARS
Well if it’s Dutch and it’s on TV then every other fucker is going to copy it. They should turn into a race and call it Space Contest.
turn it. The Dutch probably already qualify as a race.
Not if Hitler II has anything to say about it.
I imagine there must be some advantages to being poor white trash. You probably save a bundle when you can do all your clothes shopping at Home Depot.
Fifty internets to any member of the crew that changes his name to Quaid.
Those native martians are gonna be PISSED
You get 6 males and 6 females and you put them on a long journey to mars? Sounds like this better get aired on HBO. Especially when they get to Mars. It’ll be an erotic journey.
Ok. Way to ruin what could be an awesome opportunity. Did you have to get so base about it? I mean, not everyone is thinking about banging on the way to Mars. It could be a wondrous occurrence. Or It could be death for these people. But don’t make it all out to be Rock of Love IN SPACE! please. It could be an earnest thing. The Dutch are very smart. Excellent culture. Stop being such a prototypical jerk.