To the best of my knowledge, there have now been at least five GEICO commercials featuring Maxwell the Pig. The first, from 2010, was a play on the “This little piggy went wee wee wee all the way home” line from the “This Little Piggy” song, with the twist at the end being that he could actually talk. Okay, fine. Annoying as all hell, but fine. Another commercial, which premiered last year, features Maxwell screwing around with his phone in the first-class section of an airplane as a way to get to a “when pigs fly” joke. A bit of a stretch, and a hell of a long walk to get to a simple joke, but again, fine, whatever. There have also been ones where he zip-lines and luges, because why not, I guess.
The latest commercial in this series, however, makes no sense at all. It features Maxwell and a girl waiting for assistance in a broken down car, and while they wait, she tries to seduce him. There is no pun. There is no pig-related play on words. That’s the premise: A girl wants to f-ck a pig. The end.
For the benefit of those of you who may not have seen it…
I found the whole thing incredibly confusing, so I have compiled this list of questions about the commercial for the people at GEICO. I will alert you once I receive their answers.
How did the pig learn to talk?
Are there other talking pigs in this fictional world?
Did the pig really drive that car up there?
How did he reach the pedals?
How did he reach the wheel?
Does he have his license?
If so, where does he keep it if he doesn’t wear clothes?
If not, isn’t this sending a pretty terrible message to children everywhere?
Is it impossible for the local authorities to charge him with driving without a license (or any offense) because criminal statutes are all tailored toward humans?
Do you think we should close this loophole and change our laws in the real world to account for the possibility that animals will one day be able to talk and drive cars?
If not, how would you feel if a loved one gets killed by a drunk zebra on a motorcycle, and the zebra doesn’t get any jail time?
If we’re going to be prosecuting animals for crimes, do you think we have a duty to let them vote and run for office?
What animal do you think would make the best president?
An owl, right?
How does the pig pay for his car, car insurance, and cell phone?
Does the pig have a job?
If so, what is the pig’s job?
Did he get his job as some sort of mandatory animal hiring requirement put in place by our new owl president?
Do you think we should impeach the owl president for instituting these kinds of radical policies?
Who is that girl?
Why is she trying to have sex with a pig?
Isn’t that illegal?
Wait, are they, like, going steady?
Does that make this more creepy or less creepy?
If they are going steady, how does her father feel about his daughter dating a talking pig?
Does he yell things like “NO DAUGHTER OF MINE IS GOING TO DATE A TALKING PIG! MY HOUSE, MY RULES!”?
Does that make her father a bigot?
Are people who are bigoted against talking pigs called “pigots”?
If they’re not dating, doesn’t she seem a little, you know, fast?
Does she hook up with a lot of pigs, or is this her first pig beau?
How did they meet?
Is it okay to have sex with a pig if the pig is human enough to talk and drive a car?
Even if it is, couldn’t this girl probably do better than a pig with a crappy, broken down car?
Is the pig popular?
Do you think the pig’s nickname is Bacon?
Do you think when the pig drives around town everyone honks and waves at him and yells “Heeeeey Bacon!”?
Do you think Bacon is an inappropriate nickname for a pig?
If you have the pig over for dinner and he notices a package of ham in your deli drawer, do you think he’d be cool about it or make a big scene?
If you lived in this town and were having trouble feeding your family because you got laid off months earlier and you lost out on the one job you thought you had to a popular, underqualified talking pig named Bacon thanks to the owl president’s new employment laws, would you consider kidnapping and eating the pig?
Isn’t that kind of a short-term solution?
Why doesn’t the pig pick up on this girl’s obvious cues that she wants to have sex with him?
Does the pig have Asperger’s?
Is the Asperger’s a side effect of the science experiment that gave the pig the ability to talk?
If so, would you say it was worth it?
How far down this path are you willing to go?
If there was a drug that guaranteed the general health of your child to age 21, but resulted in instant death .001% of the time, would you give it to your baby?
Do you think doctors have a moral and/or professional obligation to offer this kind of treatment even if they think the harm outweighs the good?
If the girl and the pig end up starting a family, will their kids be strange human-pig hybrids, or will half of them be 100% pig and half of them be 100% human, kind of like when Kermit and Miss Piggy had babies on The Muppets?
How does the pig play Fruit Ninja with his little pig feet?
Do you think the pig is a Scientologist?
Thank you for your time.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/51/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/pete-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/beer-of-thrones-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/Screen-Shot-2013-05-23-at-1.57.01-PM-150x150.png)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/here-is-a-russian-cell-phone-commercial-that-features-a-stop-motion-scuba-diving-dog-uproxx-150x150.jpg)
I always thought the airplane one was a wink at Alec Baldwin.
“I’m going to have to ask you to turn off your little Word game. I think your Friends will understand.”
Yup. It was not terribly timely though.
Yeah, I picked up on that.
Especially since Alec Baldwin already poke fun at it in a credit card commercial.
Jesus Christ, I watch too much TV.
The first thing I always think of when I see the airplane one: “doesn’t matter what you’re doing on your phone, turn that shit off.” Then I realize I’m taking a crappy commercial and airplane policies too seriously, and I die a little bit inside.
The most important question is, how does he work the touchscreen of his phone with his hooves?
Or drive a car with no thumbs?
There’s a lot of holes in this commercial.
That and Fruit Ninja is typically played while holding a phone horizontally, not vertically as the pig appears to be.
these are all great questions. its an outstanding post. the fact that it follows up a typically terrible rowles post just highlights its excellence.
Is the girlfriend that Dustin stole from you hot? Or is Dustin and pig, and you’re upset that you got dumped for a pig? Or wait, wouldn’t you not find this post funny if Dustin was a pig and stole your girlfriend? Is the shift key broken on your keyboard? Or is that what’s stuck up your ass?
51. “Who the fuck finds this funny?”
Most Geico commercials have a single viewing shelf life. They’re funny the first time, but annoying as shit every single time after that.
Except the gecco. Fuck the gecco.
There was a time when I considered a firebombing campaign against GEICO offices.
52. How many people change car insurance frequently enough to justify the marketing frenzy? I feel like there’s this huge bubble in advertising right now. Eventually someone’s going to figure out that there aren’t all that many new drivers out there who aren’t getting their insurance paid for by their parents.
Look for the falling guy in the Mad Man opening to become a reality some time soon.
I was wondering this the other night. I am glad that Danger is taking Geico to task over this tribute to bestiality.
EXACTLY what I’ve been thinking. The first time I saw this, it was pretty hard not to be like, “Yo, WTF”
Not to mention pedophilia. That’s a PIGLET.
and yet, as creepy as this commercial is, its still better than the god damned cavemen
Don’t you dare talk shit about Maxwell alright? Leave that pig alone cause he is the motherfucking SHIT!
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
“Is it okay to have sex with a pig if the pig is human enough to talk and drive a car?”
Good question, not that I have thought about this a lot or anything, but I always thought that one of the main problems with bestiality is the lack of consent. Does the pig’s apparent sentience make it alright? Also is there a female sentient pig?
What if the pig only talks to you when no one else is around? Is it OK then?
What if it’s nonconsensual sex with a sentient pig? What if backwoods hillbillies rape him during a rafting trip gone horribly awry? Would they ask him to squeal like himself?
Oh, he also has radio ads for Geico.
Which I love also.
This is the kind of forshak that is going to end your so called “civilization” on your tiny, worthless planet you baktag terran scum.
(The Geico Pig, not Danger Guerrero…OR IS IT???)
You forgot the one where he’s ziplining.
Look, we’ve all been on a date with a talking pig before. And they’re not always as cute as Maxwell. This ad doesn’t disturb me nearly as much as the one with Mrs. Santa making a sex tape.
What if Mrs Santa made a sex tape with Maxwell? Man, Santa is into some weird shit.
I could see the dickhead Santa from Rudolph being into that kind of stuff, but not the awesome Mickey Rooney Santa. Although Mickey Rooney himself has probably had sex with a pig at some point in his life.
You forgot about the commercial where the pig is in a luge race for some reason. God, I hate that fucking pig.
Actually this would be the fifth commercial that I can remember, there was also the one where he was ziplining and the one where he was getting out of the shower.
That girl needs to fire her agent. “Where have I seen you before?’ “Oh, in a commercial where I try to seduce a fucking pig into porking me.” “Next”
I am thoroughly disappointed in the GloMo’s that I had to scroll down this far before there was a reference to “porking.” I would have thought that joke would have written itself.
@zack +1 If I hadn’t been “working” this morning, I would have done it.
Enough with the fucking multiple spokesthings GEICO!
Thanks, everybody. Updated to include the other commercials I missed.
I hope the woman isn’t Jewish.
That’s probably part of the attraction.
51. Is the obvious joke at the end of the commercial, Pig turns to the camera and says, “Pfff I wouldn’t f*ck her with a pig d*ck.”?
Danger I’d like to point you in the direction of this Cougar Town clip to explain a little bit about how pig trials work [www.youtube.com]
What’s the maximum sentence?
Bacon.
So… cavemen… gecco… vaudeville banjoy guys… pig.
Yup, it’s official. I hate GEICO.
(Doesn’t help that the quote they gave me 10 years ago was ridiculous, and I’m a gov employee… you’d think since we’re part of the name we’d get a deal.)
Congratulations, we’ve finally found someone for whom the next Education Connection campaign would be a good career move.
Dammit Pete, I had forgotten about that commercial, and my life was better for it
I hate you, Pete. Dammit.
Pete you sonovabich! Now I won’t get any work done.
Is the pig related to the one Krieger shoved in his pocket on the first episode of this seasons archer?
Awesome question. I hope so.
Maybe Maxwell’s Silver Hammer is only interested in pork butts?
I think maybe there’s a script idea in there about a tax attorney named Maxwell who’d also a talking pig and around his law firm he’s known as the “Silver Hammer.”
This is pretty much a public service announcement on contracting Swine Flu.
You’ve put a lot of thought into this. And you’re right to do so. This type of Orwellian madness must be dealt with before it gets out of hand. Because I’ll say this, it’ll be a cold day in hell before I see an owl in the White House!!
When this actress’ agent told her that her next audition was something where she was going to have to “try to put lipstick on a pig,” she didn’t think he meant it literally.
Wait, the pig is a crossdresser?
Just so we’re all on the same page here…the owl president is definitely the Owl from Winnie the Pooh right?
Who?
[disney-clipart.com] this guy
I was thinking more like Woodsy, but I guess he’d be the Green Party candidate that never stood a chance.
You apparently didn’t get my joke
I’d like to hear more about this owl president.
He was the wise old owl that determined it takes 3 licks to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop.
Don’t blame me, I voted for the Dum Dums Drum Man.
Some answers:
“Who is that Hot Ad Girl?” IDs her as Jennifer Marsala – [twitter.com]
She’s apparently been in Don’t Trust the B and a bunch of other recent TV shows – [www.imdb.com]
Also, I’ll just leave this here: [allrecipes.com]
GEICO stands for Government Employees Insurance Company… so THANKS FOR NOTHING OBAMA.
“If we’re going to be prosecuting animals for crimes, do you think we have a duty to let them vote and run for office?”
/at the very least we have to allow them to own guns
If so, what is the pig’s job?
/congressman? I mean, the girl obviously wants some pork shoved down her throat so that makes sense.
They are really gonna pork it later.
It’s those ugly ass writers in hollywood. for years they’ve been trying to tell us that ugly guys (Kevin James/Jim Belushi) get hot chicks. now they have gone too far.
In all fairness, i’ve banged a few pigs in my day. Jaeger.
What woman hasn’t dated a pig? However, the GEICO pig is creepy. Wouldn’t screw it with anyone’s vagina.
whoa, I just got it. men are pigs. I bet Jezebel picked up on that right away!
Can you tackle the M&M commercial where they play with the idea that the M&M is getting A.) Raped or B.) Murdered by a hot chick in her car? Not only that, but the brown M&M knowingly sets the red M&M up with the girl, making her a murderer. It’s a messed up commercial.
-Thanks
This is why I use Progressive. Fewer overused advertising icons to loathe.
Re: the pansexual Flo.
Also corkscrew wangs, whats up with that?
My first reaction in the latest commercial is that there are a lot of men who are going to be even MORE jealous because she passed them over for a pig.
He obviously affords the car and the Geico insurance because he’s saved a lot in his…piggy bank.
/escorts self out.
the most important question that needs to be made into a poll immediately is..
What percentage of American women would date an actual pig if it could talk and was worth more than $50 million.
This baffles me almost as much as when people try to convince me that pigs are clean, and make great pets.
Mythbusters spends a decade teaching impressionable young girls that pigs are perfect human analogues, and this is what you end up with.
2 Theories:
1) This commercial was created by a Republican who is silently protesting gays allowed to marry because the next logical step is inter-species relationships.
2) A woman mates with a pig= man-pig. That man-pig grows up and falls in love with a bear= Man/bear/pig. This is clearly a prequel to Man-Bear-Pig!
52: Could these ads possibly get more inane? WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU, GEICO AND WHY IS A JUST AND LOVING GOD ALLOWING THIS?!
That girl is good looking and the pig deliberately avoids the topic of sex. In summary, he is gay.
Maybe the pig is weirded out with the thought of having sex with a human, making him the normal one.
I wonder if there is a meme about Owl President called “Thanks Owlbama!”
I’m starting an annual award called the GEICO Animal Sex Sympathizer (ASS) Award:
[ipunchedoutjesseventura.wordpress.com]
Without any doubt, whatsoever, this ad is the most disgusting to ever come around. The pig is a pig regardless of whether or not he talks…the human girl is very pretty…until she tries to seduce the pig…this entire scenario is supposed to be funny but, instead, it is horrible on so many levels. GEICO Insurance stands for Government Employees Insurance Company…hmmmm. Believe I will pass on ever buying their wares.
What does Maxwell say right b 4 he plays that game?
I LOVE THAT PIG!!!!!!!!! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
All Geico commercials suck big time. They want to dumb down their prospective customers. The pig is scuzzy. Maybe the pig represents the fact that the people who own and run Geico are pigs. Besides, they charge so much more than most of their competition, why would anyone sign up with them? Thank God for the mute on the remote.
Your pig commercial is horible to say the least, You are bordering on bestiality, It was bad enough with the plane, but not this. Please take it off
@Danger,
this is at least the third time I have read this post and it gets funnier each time, between this Cop Thomas Edison and your breakdowns of November Rain and the Cool As Ice, you are pretty much the best the interest has to offer.
ok the pig is a pig what about the Geico Dracula at a blood drive???? id like 50 questions on that one
[www.youtube.com]