Poor Ellen Mae. Poor, poor Ellen Mae. In the course of just four episodes, Harlan's favorite doe-eyed hooker has shot a high ranking county executive slash total pervbone because he gave her drugs and emerged from the bathroom in a big, scary bear costume, run off looking for Jesus in a tent in the woods only to have the preacher who saved her get killed during a snake-related battle of wills with the lover and boss of her former pimp, come crawling back to her whore-in-a-trailer existence -- offering to "do the ones no one else will do" -- only to find out that even that station in life was no longer available to her, was given $1000 and shipped off to Alabama with a drug-addled, possibly drunk, disgraced veteran as her chauffeur, and now she's either been kidnapped or she figured out her fate and decided to start running for her life at a sh-thole gas station in Nowhere, Kentucky.
She's living inside the longest, most depressing country song I've ever heard, and part of me hopes she hits the Powerball in next week's episode and runs off to California like a modern-day Beverly Hillbilly.
And now, the highlights:
- Lindsey the Bartender and Randall have a, um, complicated relationship, no?. She flirts with people so he can steal from them, he gets pissed at the guys she flirted with and turns their faces into lasagna, she calls her lawman sidepiece from a payphone (possibly to lure him into a trap), he tracks them down, everyone punches each other and shoots each other with beanbags for a while, then she runs off and leaves the two of them bloody and battered with a van full of belligerent chickens. I've seen it a million times.
- Rachel was awesome this week. So awesome, in fact, that I didn't realize until I looked at my notes that we had no Art, Tim, Wynn Duffy, or Arlo. It's gotta be tough balancing so many enjoyable characters. They're doing a great job.
- Raylan saying the word "download." This is something that pleases me.
- Mountain Dew > $1000 bottles of tequila
- "Bitches chill." Joe Hoppus is like Jesse Pinkman's wealthy, sleazeball cousin, and I bet he's a huge fan of Bro Body Douche.
- There's a teeny, tiny part of me that kind of wishes Raylan and Randall had set aside their differences and become the American South's premiere cockfighting duo.
- I am going to say this in the most respectful and gentlemanly manner I possibly can: HOT DAMN, AVA.
- Speaking of the Crowder crime family, Boyd continues to have a way with words unlike any other character on TV. "You look oddly out of place in a house of iniquity."
- While I do hope Ellen May is on the run right now, if I were a betting man -- which I am, for the record -- I might toss a couple dollars on her being an unwilling house guest of Wynn Duffy. There was no sign off him last night after some traitorous, devious-ass plans were being laid last week, so he had to be up to something somewhere.
- It bugged me a little that Raylan stopped paying attention to Randall and left himself so vulnerable after the initial beanbag shot -- REMINDER: Raylan is a cool guy, but kind of a terrible marshal -- but then I read this quote about it from showrunner Graham Yost: "There are times when you’re doing a TV show and you need the guy to get up and beat on him again, you know." Good enough for me.
- Shelby is up to something. We need to keep an eye on this.
As always, GIFs from Chet Manley after the jump. Please don't rob me and shoot me with a beanbag gun.
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