Getting upset at the Golden Globes is like screaming at a kindergartener for not understanding long division; there's zero point, really, because no matter how much you yell and tsk at them, nothing will get through. Most five year olds are developmentally unable to comprehend division algorithm, just as the majority of Hollywood Foreign Press Association members, who seem to have a mental blockage when it comes to figuring out the difference between good and EW NO WHY DID HOUSE OF LIES WIN BAD BAD BAD, wouldn't know "funny" if it was thrown in their faces, like one of Anjelica Huston's drinks on the Best Musical or Comedy-nominated series Smash.
This year's TV winners included Homeland (over Breaking Bad and Mad Men), Girls (over Community, Parks and Rec, Happy Endings, and Louie, none of which were nominated), Don Cheadle (over Louis C.K. and Alec Baldwin; four/fifths of Showtime's budget must go to "convincing" HFPA members to vote for their shows), Ed Harris (over Mandy Patinkin), and for Best Performance in a Comedy, Lena Dunham, a very good writer (calm down, guys), but not much of an actress, especially when compared to Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, and Julia Louis-Dreyfus.
Let's talk about Tina and Amy, because otherwise we'd have to rag on Jodie Foster's rambling speech that's being hailed as brave, when it was actually cribbed by Foster from a blog spam bot, or Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone acknowledging their incoherent accents, which totally ruins the joke, or that miserable disco remix of Robyn's "Dancing On My Own" that played every time Girls was mentioned. Tina and Amy should host everything from now on. They were charming, funny, kept things running at a good pace, and never brought boring politics and God and atheism into the proceedings, unlike a certain someone last year; they could literally get away with murder right now. I could probably write 2,000 things on Tina's hair alone, but instead, I've collected some of their best moments from last night's ceremony in GIF form for your viewing privilege. Yes, it's f*cked 30 Rock and Parks have won a grand total of zero Globes since 2010, but last night was all about their stars, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler.
Full list of TV winners:
Best Drama
Homeland
Breaking Bad
Downton Abbey
The Newsroom
Boardwalk Empire
Best TV Series, Comedy or Musical
The Big Bang Theory
Episodes
Girls
Modern Family
Smash
Best Miniseries or TV Movie
Game Change
The Girl
Hatfields & McCoys
The Hour
Political Animals
Best Supporting Actress on TV, Miniseries or TV Movie
Hayden Panettiere, Nashville
Archie Panjabi, The Good Wife
Sarah Paulson, Game Change
Maggie Smith, Downtown Abbey: Season 2
Sofia Vergara, Modern Family
Best Actress in a Miniseries or TV Movie
Nicole Kidman, Hemingway & Gellhorn
Jessica Lange, American Horror Story: Asylum
Sienna Miller, The Girl
Julianne Moore, Game Change
Sigourney Weaver, Political Animals
Best Actor, TV Series Drama
Steve Buscemi, Boardwalk Empire
Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad
Jeff Daniels, The Newsroom
Jon Hamm, Mad Men
Damian Lewis, Homeland
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More people should have followed Tommy Lee Jones’ lead when Wiig and Ferrell were presenting, rather than persisting in the uncomfortable laughter. It might have gotten them off the stage quicker.
This.
I know Ferrell is a “comedy genius” and all that, but don’t you actually have to be funny to qualify?
It went on far too long. Much like an SNL sketch.
I liked it, but it definitely would’ve worked better as part of a larger sketch in which there was more than just that one joke for five straight minutes.
It worked even better 30 years ago when Bill Murray did it.
It was too long, but Will Ferrel IS a genius and gets a lifetime pass.
As a woman I love Girls & am glad it won. Although the nominees it was up against were pretty lame. No Louie? Really? Also would have like to see Jessica Lange win for AHS.
If the only reason you love Girls is because you’re a woman then you aren’t really helping much.
As a woman, I prefer Half-Baked over Girls. More believable, not as pretentious.
Aa a boy i love mad men, axe men, mountain men, guys with kids, i only enjoyed half of two guys a girl and a pizza place, i give two and a half men two and half stars and any porn involving chicks with dicks.
Lmao… just didn’t know if the male author of this article appreciates it in the same way a female would. Could be wrong tho. Also Rhelgy, I don’t even know what that means.
@Sarahjn25
I think–and he can call me an idiot if not–that Rhelgy is just saying that the only people who claim to like Girls are women of a certain ilk and guys who want to have sex with them.
It’s kind of like women’s basketball. If you didn’t go to UConn, Tennessee, Stanford, or a couple of other schools, you’re “meh” about it. If you like it, you like it, but the announcers are always trying too hard to convince you that you *should* like it — while the only people hearing that already *do* like it or they wouldn’t be watching anyway.
Rhelgy?
As a women, you should be enraged that comedic talents like Tina Fey and Amy Poehler were beat out by that dullard.
So much this ^ (Hobo Spices)
Also, Krieger stop lying we know you’re not a woman now put down that strange dildo contraption
Poehler and Fey star in my sexual nightmares of awesome.
and if Jodie Foster wants to make out with Marion Cotillard, that’s ok too
I didn’t understand the Supporting Actor category. They just go nuts with genres? There were dramas, comedies, and tv movies all up for the same award.
What I’m saying is Schmidt and Mandy Patikin should have both won but neither did because Ed Harris played John McCain in a movie.
Fuck logic!
I’m still laughing at the James Cameron dig.
Every awards show host from now on will only be a huge letdown.
Parks & Rec would probably win more awards if Leslie Knope rocked more sideboob on the show.
Tommy Lee Jones face is pure gold! He aint got time for no monkey business.
And I’d love to see President Dog, I wish it was real
That Tommy Lee Jones pic will never get old. Unlike Tommy lee Jones himself.
Yowsa to the the dresses in slide 4.
anne hathaway seems to be enjoy the lapdance in the last gif
Not as much as Hugh Jackman.
Excerpts from Dunham’s book:
“I did some cocaine this evening!”
“I basically didn’t meet a Republican until I was nineteen, when I shared an ill-fated evening of love-making with our campus’ resident conservative, who worse snakeskin boots and hosted a radio show called The Spin Chamber.”
“We had sex once and afterwards Allen wiped his penis on his own curtain, which made me feel I was a veteran of a war too gruesome to tell anyone about.”
A regular Steinbeck, that one.
I thought you were kidding, but a little research reveals that oh god, you were NOT kidding.
Oh come on.
My dog wrote a better book than that, and I told him he had no shot at an HBO series. What’s the difference?
I was not kidding.
Some of the excerpts that have leaked have only reinforced some of the criticisms she’s had (sometimes unfairly) heaped on her. That she’s a white kid who came from advantage, and that these are the primary reasons she’s “successful.”
I’m sure she has some talent, but if she wants to show it off, she should write something that doesn’t sound like a rich, white, freshman girl’s diary that she is trying to pass off as significant life experience. That’s how I perceive Girls as well… rich people problems posing as insight.
…which makes it perfect for HBO. This is a perfect case of preaching to the choir.
I could’ve sworn she said she’d never had sex when she went on… Colbert, I think, last year.
@Chick Magnet
Yup. HBO has a weird strategy. They produce great stuff like Game of Thrones, Boardwalk Empire, Deadwood, and so on; but they also stuff like Entourage and Girls. A successful plan, I suppose…
literally every character on that show is awful. if that’s the point then congrats, i still hate your show.
@willroyboy
Did you ever see Sex in the City when it was on as a series. Same deal. Four hateable women, one decent looking but annoying, three hags, no humor.
@Old Fat Bald
Until you become Hollywood famous, your dog has no shot.
@Armorcladinosor
Yeah, or president. But I’m tellin ya, he’s a better writer than she is, and his face is way cuter.
It was Colbert. [www.uproxx.com]
So I guess this book is a fiction? Or she was lying/joking on Colbert. Hmm. Or maybe these alleged excerpts are actually fabrications, to troll for hits. Gawker is the source, right? Hmm.
If these excerpts were fabrications on the part of the website, Dunham and her lawyers would have sued the ever-loving shit out of Gawker.
If you look at the Gawker article you’ll notice an update alluding to Dunham’s lawyer having contacted them and requested removal of the “excerpts,” albeit without much specificity as to the urgency/threat level of that contact.
Yeah, I saw that several weeks ago when it was reported. It still stands to reason that if anybody just made up excerpts and attributed them to Dunham, especially gems like “I did cocaine tonight!” and stories about curtain dick-wiping, Gawker would have gotten sued so hard that going to their website would redirect you to a blank page that says: Out of Service. Broke.
Litigation doesn’t tend to move that quickly, but yeah, I guess maybe you’re right. I kinda think there’s enough wiggle room, realistically, that they could get away with that sort of quasi-libel without getting badly burned, but I’m just trying to list possibilities here. Don’t necessarily think it happened, but do think it’s a possibility.
At least Bryan Cranston got to be on stage!
“Look how drunk Glenn Close is.”
I chortled. Hard.
ya too funny
Can someone find the GIF of Taylor Swift’s face after Adele won? That quick moment provided me with so much deliciously sweet schadenfreude.
That was awesome. Her “I can’t believe I don’t win every single award ever” face would go well beside her “OMG I’m so shocked I won” face.
It was absolutely delightful. Almost as much and Tina and Amy giving her advice.
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!
[dlisted.com]
I was so upset they didn’t put the camera on Taylor Swift’s face as soon as Tina Fey said her name. I would of loved to see her reaction. Damn!
Well, at least Girls is better than/comparable to the other comedy nominees. I’m happy to see anything beat Modern Family and Big Bang Theory.
“…Girls is better than/comparable to the other comedy nominees” — this is what the phrase “The soft bigotry of low expectations” was about.
If they nominate a comedy that’s smart and funny, like Californication or 30 Rock (selected episodes, shoot me) she wouldn’t have a chance.
Correct.
What planet are you on where Californication is smart?
Modern Family is overrated by critics but it mops the floor with Girls. It’s about a million time less self loathing and pretentious for the sake of being pretentious. Yeah Manny and the other kid suck. Who gives a shit? The entire premise of Girls sucks. I mean yeah, Modern Family wins way too many awards, but it’s far better than your typical CBS sitcom and it gets good ratings. We should be celebrating the fact that a non-laughtrack single camera show actually does well.
I’ve never watched girls…but somehow I can tell Omar, you don’t “get” girls.
People throw around the word “pretentious” almost as much as “hipster,” but “Pretentious for the sake of being pretentious” really takes it to another level of bullshit.
And Modern Family, sorry, but to me it’s just a bunch of mostly loathsome rich people in more or less the same dumb, inconsequential situations every week. Girls at least has a storyline and a cast of characters who are more complex than “effeminate fat gay guy,” “less-effeminate thin gay guy,” “annoying latina,” “grumpy older man,” “dumb kid,” “dumb fat kid,” “dumb teen girl,” “smart teen girl,” “bitch,” and “bitch’s goofy husband.”
Sure, there’s some decent writing and Phil and Ed O’Neill’s character are pretty enjoyable, but generally I find the show very repellant. Which Girls is, too, to some extent, but a lot of that comes from the meta-text of the show, from people proclaiming that it’s such a fucking important cultural landmark (which is/was done a hell of a lot for Modern Family as well). That’s not the lens through which I watch it, though (maybe I’m supposed to, but I don’t).
Modern Family, with its titular inclusion of a gay couple and its self-proclaimed modernity, is, of the two shows, the one that I’d more likely refer to as pretentious (though I wouldn’t). Girls is relatively modest in scope and purported cultural relevance, simply centering on four moderately wealthy girls in New York, with nary a token gay or black or latino character there to make a play for “important show”-ness.
Of course, I don’t give a fuck about whether a show’s pretentious or not. I dislike Modern Family because it’s formulaic and its characters are awful people. Girls has one awful character, and three likable-but-flawed ones, and a sustained story that doesn’t adhere to any kind of formula. But, if pretension is a big hangup for you, then I don’t see how you can like Modern Family.
And “smart” is another word that’s thrown around too much. No good comedy is really smart. The Dennis Miller Show’s monologues were smart, and also woefully unfunny. The word “smart,” when applied to a comedy, is basically about as meaningful as “funny.” So don’t get too hung up on it, Dissident.
Girls? Are you kidding me, it’s the biggest of crap of TV today! I’d rather be forced to watch Barney 24/7 than another episode of that drivel.
Someone needs to GIF the 2 second shot of Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul, just so I can continue to believe that they were there hiding in plain sight and had a cook going in one of the bathrooms.
Second this
Other images missed from the Globes:
[i.huffpost.com]
Tina Fey and Amy Poehler did a fantastic job! I just wish the Golden Globes separated their categories a little better. It was very uneven to have some of those movies, shows and actors up against each other when they don’t even do the same type of work. AND, Don Cheadle winning over Louis C.K. is just an abomination.
I thought House of Lies stopped after its first season. That show is horribly drab.
Not sure what I want to see more: Fey and Poehler going home with Foster, or, DOG MF’ing PRESIDENT!
I’d watch the shit out of both.
Jodie Foster making out with Marion Cotillard and spanking Daniel Craig takes the cake
Novel idea: you can only put yourself up for nomination for EITHER an oscar/emmy OR a golden globe. That way, movies that fall under “Oscar bait,” can go for the “big” award, freeing up the Globes. For example: Lincoln, ZD30, and Les Mis would all go for Oscars, creating room for stuff like Looper and giving Django a better chance at winning at the Globes. Same would go for TV: Homeland, Modern Family, Girls, and Louie would stay at the Emmys, while Archer, Community, Parks, etc. could have their shot at the GGs.
This would help the Globes stand out as an awards show for critical darlings/niche audiences and would win respect from the internet community. Right now everyone sees them as the lesser awards show anyway. So why not make a rule against simultaneous Emmy/Oscar nominees to distinguish themselves? Of course, I know this will never happen in a million years, but I don’t see many downsides to the idea.
I like it!
How gross-looking does everyone think Kristin Bell and Dax Sheppard’s baby is going to be? Just curious.
I stopped watching the Globes as well as the Oscars because it’s no longer a “talent” award as they have become political awards. Tina Fey, Amy Poehler are two nauseating hosts that turn me off for the get go and then to see the picks (online) has saved my big screen TV from much abuse. I mean “Girls” for crying out loud! What a piece of shit!! I could go on but why bother, it won’t change the Liberal Loons in Hollywood Land.
Umm…