Let’s say, hypothetically, that the image above is from a Chinese news report about a suicidal, mentally unstable, scissor-wielding woman who was terrorizing passersby on the sidewalk next to a busy, downtown street. And let’s also say, again, just hypothetically, that the whole thing came to a safe conclusion after the young girl on the right — who practices Tae Kwon Do, and, as you can see, happens to be wearing short shorts and knee-high boots — disarmed the woman by distracting her with money and then kicking the scissors out of her hand. That would be something you would be interested in, yes? Well, HOO BOY, do I have good news for you guys.
BONUS: The heroes at LiveLeak not only found this amazing video (posted below), they also ran the whole thing through Google translate, which resulted in these three uncut diamonds of sentences.
With more and more people crowd, Hei Yinv emotions more and more excited, he began a sprinkle banknotes into heaven. Help to pick up the bill to a few girls at an age less than 20-year-old girl suddenly the crowd out.
Li said that she looks younger than 20 years old, wearing boots with shorts in the cold, exposed legs suck very eyes.
If “sprinkling banknotes into heaven” doesn’t become the 2013 version of “making it rain,” I will be livid.
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People with boots can just steal peoples’ scissors? That’s just wrong.
Hot chicks in knee-highs can steal anything they want. It’s the law.
Is the suicidal woman going to be charged with anything? I ask because the time that I was on a streetcorner (in San Diego) and had something in my hand and was brandishing it at people and a girl in knee-high boots came and kicked it out of my hand, *I* was the one who was booked for a misdemeanor.
The Chinese government is probably just hoping she’ll go home and do the deed. I don’t think suicide prevention isn’t high up on their list of priorities.
Is*, dammit.
If this had happened in Japan, the local authorities would have fined her for being weak-willed and not finding another way to do the deed.
I’m going to start my music career by Google translating lyrics into Chinese and then Google translating them back into English.
Just out of prison, out on bail, the California Dream
When I step on the scene, I heard hoochies screaming
Fiending money and alcohol, living on the west side player
Cowards die and powerful ball
The life and death of rebound not only in Cali riots
In LA, wearing Chuck Ballies (Yes, this is correct)
Wearing LOCS and khaki suit, sitting is what we do
Flossing, but must pay attention to is: We and other personnel in conflict
Famous because we throw the Grand Prix
In the world, so that they recognize from Long Beach Rosecrans
Like a slow collision and the grinding jam, it’s west
So you know the row will not bow to no one
Say what you say, but give me from the anus DRE bombs
Let me serenade the streets of L.A
From Auckland to sac town, the Gulf region and down
Cali, they put their down Mike, give me love!
And apparently, my stage name will be “anus DRE bombs”.
‘anus DRE bombs’ is the most magnificent statement the internet has ever produced. Kudos to you, fine sir.
Well, my very eyes were sucked by her cold, exposed legs.
That’s some weakass cosplay there right outside of Tim Burton-con.
That reporters “thick cut” microphone puts Bob Barkers to shame!
When does she use her chainsaw arm to fight the girl with alligator legs?
If this had been in Japan a tentacle beast would have ended up violating both women.
Scissor control laws don’t work!
/Obligatory
Meanwhile police offiicers are tazering dangerous 12 year olds
” There’s a lady who’s sure, all the scissors are gold. And she’s sprinkling banknotes…to heaven.”
Capcom really needs to line up some better opponents for Chun Li
Plus, she has a cute glasses-wearing sidekick. I’m pretty certain I’ve seen this movie, and it was awesome.
I thought most Chinese chose suicide by automobile?
Chun-Li is real
*wild suicidal lady flees*
Ballad of the Chinese Schoolgirl (to the tune of Marty Robbins “Big Iron”)
To a Southern town in China walked a stranger one fine day
Hardly spoke to folks around her, didn’t have too much to say
No one dared to ask her business, no one dared to make a slip
For the stranger there amongst them had knee-socks and a mighty kick.
Knee-socks and a mighty kick.
It was late in the evening when she walked into the town
She came walking from the south side slowly lookin’ all around
“She’s a Schoolgirl” loose and running came the whisper from each lip
And she’s here to do some business with knee-socks and a mighty kick.
Knee-socks and a mighty kick.
In this town stood a woman, with mental illness in her head.
She had wounds, all self-inflicted, she had planned to end up dead.
She wielded deadly scissors, threatening folks as her blood poured,
And the people feared this woman, bleeding on 5th and More.
Bleeding on 5th and More.
Now the Schoolgirl started talking, made it plain to folks around
That her martial arts training would take care of this town
And she stood locking eyes with the woman sick in the head.
She became determined to save the woman who planned to end up dead.
Planned to end up dead.
The minutes passed so quickly, it was time to fight, she knew
It was twenty hundred hours when she walked down the Avenue.
Folks were watching from the windows, everybody held their breath
They knew this Chinese Schoolgirl was about to meet her death
About to meet her death
There was 5 short feet between them when she stopped to make her play
And the swiftness of the Schoolgirl is still talked about today
Scissor Lady had not yet taken the money the Schoolgirl had tried to slip
And the Schoolgirl’s aim was deadly with her knee-socks and mighty kick.
Knee-socks and mighty kick.
It was over in a moment and the folks had gathered ‘round
There before them lay the scissors of the woman on the ground
Oh, she might have stopped living but she made one fatal slip
When she tried to match the Schoolgirl with the knee-socks and mighty kick.
Knee-socks and mighty kick.
Dammit, non-fatal slip.