Bunheads (ABC Family, 9 p.m.) — I can’t bring myself to use a photo of Notre Dame’s stupid fighting leprechaun as the banner (“LOOK OUT ITCHY HE’S IRISH”), so the top spot goes to the winter premiere of Bunheads, from Gilmore Girls creator Amy Sherman-Palladino. The first half of the season was snappy and fun and best of all, you don’t have to worry about your face melting off after looking into Nick Saban’s eyes.
The Biggest Loser (NBC, 8 p.m.) — “Professional football player Antonio Gates cheers on contestants during a challenge.” And by “cheers,” that blurb means, “Gates will make fat people jump off a trampoline to dunk a ball over a goalpost,” because that’s never not funny.
BCS Championship Game: Notre Dame vs. Alabama (ESPN, 8:30 p.m.) — With Leather’s got you covered.
Black Ink Crew (VH1, 9 p.m.) — It was announced earlier today that VH1 tweaked its logo to include an awkward plus sign, to signify their “growth beyond music.” That’s good news for devotees of reality shows about tattoo parlors in Harlem; bad news for fans of Train and Michelle Branch.
Deception (NBC, 10 p.m.) — Series premiere. A San Fransisco cop (Cousin Skeeter star Meagan Good) investigates the death of her childhood best friend, which is an original plot that will break new TV ground. Tate Donovan and Victor Garber co-star as dirtbag drug dealers, not likable father figures, probably.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Michael Strahan and Jessica Chastain on Letterman; Bill Maher, Snooki, JWoww, and Miguel on Leno; a “goodbye to midnight” on Kimmel; Krysten Ritter on Ferguson; Betty White, Jeff Ross, and Sky Ferreira on Fallon; Courteney Cox on Conan; Anne Hathaway on Stewart; and Jimmy Wales on Colbert.
I want more like this!
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