There ain’t a whole hell of a lot going on today, so allow to me take a second to give a shout out to one of my favorite lines in television history. It’s from the series Police Squad!, which was produced by the Zuckers and spawned the Naked Gun series of films, and it is a tightly wrapped little ball of perfection. I’ve posted the video below, which you should really watch for full effect because Leslie Nielsen was a comic genius, but I’ll also transcribe it.
GUY IN CHAIR: Who are you and how did you get in here?
DET. FRANK DREBIN: I’m a locksmith … and I’m a locksmith.
God, that’s great. And here’s the craziest part: Even with a bunch of comedy legends behind it (the Zuckers had just come off producing Airplane at the time), Police Squad! lasted only six episodes. Not six seasons. Six episodes. But thanks to the network airing reruns, it gained a cult following and eventually led to three feature films. (And if you don’t enjoy the Naked Gun movies, you and I are going to have WORDS.) So let that be a lesson to struggling comedies everywhere: If it doesn’t look like #SixSeasonsAndAMovie will be a realistic goal, maybe consider setting your sights on #SixEpisodesAndThreeMovies. Couldn’t hurt.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/51/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2010/11/inceptioncats-150x150.png)
Another line from Police Squad that had me laughing so hard I almost vomited:
“We’re sorry to bother you at such a time like this, Mrs. Twice. We would have come earlier, but your husband wasn’t dead then.”
Ran him out of town like a common pygmy
I was a kid when this was on, but one that stood out for me was a sight-gag. Drebin was interviewing a perp, wearing a jacket that said “Penn State” on the front. He turned around, and it said “State Pen” on the back. That killed me then, and for no apparent reason, sticks with me to this day. And another lost classic with a similar fate was “Sledge Hammer,” lasted a bit longer, no movies, but a similar comedic vein to be sure.
SLEDGE HAMMER WAS MAGICAL. So nice to hear someone else remember it.
I’d also like to express my fondness for that particular show.
Magical doesn’t even begin to describe the genius of Sledge Hammer. David Rasche is a god among men. Also, my wife cried like a baby when Leslie Nielsen died – that’s how I became convinced I married the right woman.
My family has an original TV recording of Muppet Family Christmas (greatest Muppet Christmas movie of all time!) and there are Sledge Hammer commercials on it. Makes me wish I could have seen it though I was 2 back then, don’t think I would have understood it.
Awesome. I remember watching Police Squad and wishing there was a technology to let you rewind and catch jokes again. Yes, I’m old. And I’m pretty sure my mom went to acting school with that guy 60 years ago (not Nielsen, the other guy).
Im too young to remember Police Squad, but the Naked Gun series is damn near perfection, even 33 1/3.
It’s kind of spooky how the Naked Gun movies had O.J. Simpsons suffer a madcap series of accidents, and then it started happening in real life, like the time his wife and her friend got savagely murdered and HE was the one who was accused of doing it!
What an amazing show.
There’s a related scene in that episode where the thugs throw a rock through the window and break the “L” off the store sign. Drebin walks up to find a cattle rancher waiting for him. “No, no. L-ocksmith. Locksmith.”
The original Nordberg was great too.
About 1:30 here.
But watch the whole thing.
Is this episode with the freeze frame joke at the end?
Leslie Nielsen= the best.
OMG is that Enrico Palazzo in that clip?
My favorite joke from that show was when he opened his glove compartment and there were nothing but pairs of gloves inside. One day I’m going to get enough gloves so I can do the same joke to everyone that rides in my vehicle.
Yes, that’s a great one, too!! Classic. Just these little nothing trow-aways, but they were hysterical. And I challenge anyone to name a more naturally gifted comedic actor than Nielsen? He was always pitch-perfect.
I love watching these old clips. But that love quickly turns to hate when I’m reminded that a spoof these days is related to Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg, who couldn’t write this locksmith gag if they got their dicks caught in a revolving door.
I was sure that that WAS how they wrote all their stuff.
Don’t forget Marlon Wayans.
“You know, this is a rough neighborhood. Bet you’d hate to see something happen to your little key store.”
“What about my little keister?”
“Key STORE.”
One of my favorite jokes of all time. I think it’s because of how much more annoyed the goon sounds the second time he says “key store.”
I was a bit young for this show. Thank God for the Naked Gun movies!
/remembers Leslie Neilsen, sheds one tear
I am now crying from laughter at my desk. Thank God this cube has high walls.
Watch out, he’s got a knife!
Watch out, he’s got a gun!
Watch out, he’s got a Picasso!
Watch out, he’s got herpes!
How weird/awkward/awesome would it be if they rebooted the Naked Gun movies with Ray Lewis as Nordberg?
I’m not one for hyperbole but that’s seriously the greatest 10 seconds in the history of television.
I remember watching these with my dad, when I was a kid, and him laughing uncontrollably. My dad didn’t laugh at much.
Also, a friend’s parents took us to see “Airplane!” when I was about 7 and I thought they were the coolest people in the world. Because, boobs.
I’ll see your locksmith joke and raise you:
“I went to the address Johnny had given me. It turned out to be one of those all-night wicker places.” (Visual: Nielsen walking into ‘World of Wicker, open 24hrs.’)
All these years later, still gets me every time I see it.
Wicker:
[youtu.be]
This disparity between the written and spoken titles still cracks me up every. fucking. time.
I remember Police Squad! being hysterical from beginning to end. The POV-shot of the gumball light, as if the police car was driving through a restaurant, then a museum, then an art gallery. Pitch-perfect. The Japanese garden… with a bunch of Japanese people in gigantic flower pots.
If Netflix were only around way back when.
Is Police Squad available on DVD? Be a good investment.
Sledge Hammer was awesome, too, if only for his gun.
Is Police Squad available on DVD? Be a good investment.
Yup.
[www.youtube.com]
Tuba, Tuba, Tuba, Tuba or not Tuba, Tuba Ligation…
“Cigarette?” “Yes, it is.”