I have written about my love of Jeopardy! on more than a few occasions. In the world of television game shows, there are none smarter and more enjoyable to watch with a group (mostly because it is fun to shout out correct answers like an insufferable dork and make your friends feel stupid). But every year the show holds a Teen Tournament, and it is a God-awful, youth-pandering mess. Case in point: This screencap of the categories from last night’s opening round, which spelled out the chorus of Carly Rae Jepsen’s ubiquitous summer single, “Call Me Maybe.” They use puns and wordplay on Jeopardy! proper sometimes, and I know they tape well in advance, but this was just painful, and it needs to stop.
To clarify: My issue is not with having teenagers on the show. Most of the kids are smart as hell, which, yeah, fine, can be a little infuriating when they know the answers to questions that I don’t, but that’s not so much a critique of the show as it is me being a very small, jealous person who resents the success of others. My issue is the way the show dumbs itself down and tries to be cutesy-wutesy with the contestants in a manner that is insulting to everyone involved. Do you remember how awkward it felt back when you were a teenager and your aunt had a little too much to drink at Thanksgiving and tried to talk to you about AOL or texting, or tried to do “The Macarena” on the coffee table? It’s like that, but now Alex Trebek is your aunt, and he is doing it to you on television.
Don’t believe me? Think I’m overreacting? Allow me to present Exhibit B. After a Final Jeopardy question that referenced Korean rapper Psy (which means they didn’t film it that far in advance, and makes the “Call Me Maybe” board even more pathetic), Alex Trebek — Alex. Trebek. — did the “Gangnam Style” horsey dance. Please see below.
I repeat: Death to the Teen Tournament.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/51/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/04/psy-gentleman-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/03/jeopardy-jgl-o-150x150.gif)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/03/NormCondomThing-150x150.gif)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/03/Screen-shot-2013-03-15-at-8.11.36-AM-150x150.png)
Hey I just read this, and this is crazy, but are you gonna write about the ex-LAPD cop who just finished a murder rampage and who wrote that manifesto featuring blurbs to specific sport, television, and movie stars, maybe?
There’s a weird kid on this week who sounds exactly like Will Ferrell’s voice immodulation character. He even looks like the character. Of course, he’s too young to appreciate my subtle reference.
Also he said he wants to be president.
That kid is the worst. A smarmy prick, which is perfect for politics.
I’m 99% sure that kid was homeschooled. If you watched the night before last, he gave the girl he beat (but who wound up getting a wild card spot) a hug, and she looked like she wanted to throw up.
The constant smile, the reflexive “sir” to Alex, the posture of someone with a rod up their ass, and the voice? Barrett is almost certainly a homeschooled Mormon.
That fucking kid. I’m glad someone else saw the voice immodulation character within him. I hate him. I wanted that girl to win so badly but she wouldn’t bet enough on the Daily Double nor Final Jeopardy category to get close.
Damn I’ve been missing out.
I try to justify my hatred for a kid by assuming he’s going to spend much of his life being a self-absorbed piece of shit. I think that’s a safe bet with Barrett.
I actually wrote DG about that kid. First of all, as soon as he was on in the first round, he reminded me of Gregg Marmalard from Animal House. Then, he got SUPER EXCITED when he got to give the answer to a Double Jeopardy question with, “Who is Ayn Rand?” If there is a just God, that dude with the afro will crush him in the finals.
I kept thinking ‘Why is Barrett yelling?’.
Yeah, he’s annoying. Annoyingly smart too.
At first, I was rooting for the 8th grade girl because they said Barrett was a senior. By the end, I was rooting for heavy object to fall from above and crush Barrett.
Was that one girl named Irene but didn’t pronounce it like a normal person?
Yup. They pronounced it ear-en-ay, IIRC.
While watching the show with my 14 year old son last night, I told him that Barrett would more likely be trying to sell him Amway products or a Myrtle Beach time share than be president. I then had to explain what Amway was. Damn kid doesn’t know anything.
Things just ain’t the same like back when we were playing.
Isn’t that up to you, Conrad?
I thought the entire planet got together and agreed that they would stop talking about Psy once 2013 began.
I would have preferred him to Beyoncé at the Super™ Bowl®. She could have just stood on the side of the stage smiling “alluringly” and accomplished the same thing.
I like the teen tournament because it makes me feel like less of a dumbass.
I like it for the chicks. /what?
Keep the teen tournament, never.ever bring back celebrity jeopardy. (except for the obvious.. penis mightier, and all)
How about Rock and Roll Jeopardy? Then the dude from Sugar Ray can be relevant again.
Celebrity Jeopardy definitely needs to come back. I want to see the most smug actors in the country getting owned. Gwenyth Paltrow, Johnny Depp, and James Franco would be a great matchup.
Smug Celebrity Jeopardy. Yes.
Alec Baldwin, Joe Buck, and Madonna or GTFO.
I would like to replace the teen tournament with some sort of rap jeopardy. Not in that you need to rhyme your answers, but general knowledge of all things rap. I’ll take Mackin’ Bitches for $200, Alex.
“In this 1988 song from the pint sized Godfather of Gangster Rap, he spent his free time cruisin’ down the street in his six-fo’, jockin’ the bitches, slappin’ the hoes”
Pint sized? If you come talkin’ that trash I will pull your card.
Who is Eazy motherfucking E, Alex?
My favorite part of the Teen Jeopardy I saw was how no one knew anything about baseball.
It always amazes me how stupid they are when it comes to sports and pop culture
“Who ruled India from 617 to 639 AD?” *mad dash for the clicker*
“Which sport is represented in the annual ‘Madden’ series?” *crickets*
And I die a little.
And that’s totally not how Jeopardy! phrases the clues, you idiot.
I’m assuming to be able to get into the Jeopardy Teen Tournament you have to be bed-schooled like the Venture Bros.
Yeah, Hank and Dean would own Teen Jeopardy™.
There was a girl on this week named Tori Amos. They didnt discuss it, but I wondered if it was on purpose or sheer coincidence? In either case, I referred to her as Cornflake Girl for the whole show.
No way was that a coincidence.
I say coincidence. Or maybe her parents are Tori Amos fans (both of them).
I was rooting for her, but I thought she wasn’t going to win unless the others did something reaally stupid. I was half right.
Alex Trebek is doing Gangnam Style
ALL ARGUMENTS INVALID
Absolutely not. I am so incredibly smart during the teen tournament.
Also, I’m rooting for Leonard and his glorious afro.
In defense of Alex, I think it was a call back to the kid who said he would teach Alex “that new dance.”
I don’t see why you should dislike the tournament. Makes me feel a little smarter. I’ve gotten plenty of Triple Stumpers and Daily Doubles.
The one Daily Double on Thursday (the one about Brave New World) I got right. I actually read the book (probably wouldn’t have bet much; I suck at literature).