I have good news and better news.
First, the good news: Dog With a Blog, Disney Channel’s show about a talking dog who writes a blog, has been picked up for a second season. According to Deadline, the show ranked as the number two fourth-quarter 2012 series among children 2-11 and 6-11, which makes sense when you think about it because it is a show about a talking dog who writes a blog. What more could you possibly want?
And the better news? The dog’s blog from Dog With a Blog is online at the show’s website, and it is even better than I imagined it would be. I can’t do it justice. Please, read these actual entries for yourself.
I’m totes gonna start using abbrebs. Like instead of typing out “I don’t know,” I can type IDK. Or “talk to you later” is TTYL. It’s such a time saver. And you get what I’m saying. I mean, WTPIUSML? Oh, you didn’t get that? I said “what’s the point in using so many letters?” Well now I’m typing more just to explain what I was shortening. This is a terrible system!
You know what drives me nuts? When the kids go out to eat, they bring home doggie bags and then they eat them! Who do they think they are? Dogs?! I’m the dog… doggie bags are for me! They have my name written all over them. Show some respect, people.
What do they do with all those New Years novelty glasses in the shape of the year? You can’t really wear them again. I guess if you keep them for a few years, you could turn 2013 into 2018. But who can keep track of something like that for five years? I already forgot where i buried my bone, and that was just last week!
How come people can take something they say is gross, call it a fancy name, and all of a sudden it’s a delicacy? Like escargot. It’s just a nice name for cooked snails — but if I eat a snail out of the yard, they think I’m disgusting. Look, if I had a pan and a stovetop, I’d cook it too, but a dog’s gotta make do with what he has.
I don’t make New Years resolutions. I have seven dog new years to every one human New Year. How am I supposed to come up with seven meaningful resolutions every year? I mean, there’s only so many times you can promise to cut back on bacon before it becomes a joke.
Every time I go to the groomer, I have to roll around in the grass for ten minutes just to smell like myself again. Sometimes I “accidentally” roll into Ellen’s flower bed. That’ll teach her to take me to the groomer.
So a new family bought the house across the street. I marked that property so many times it should be mine, but apparently my urine’s not legally binding. …At least until I talk to my lawyer.
TO RECAP: Somewhere in sunny California, there is a person whose job — their job — includes writing blog posts on Disney Channel’s website in character as a talking dog who pisses on his neighbor’s lawn and loves bacon. I have never been more jealous of anyone in my entire life.