So, here’s the thing: A man drove down the street in Fresno the other day, declared himself to be Jesus Christ, began shouting the n-word, drove his car into a black electric company worker and pinned him against his truck, jumped out and started beating up a nearby woman, and that is somehow the second craziest part of this news story.
You see, at some point prior to his violent, racist rampage, the driver picked up a homeless hitchhiker named Kai. And Kai had a hatchet. And when the driver — a six-foot fall, 300+ lb. man — jumped out and started beating up the nearby woman, Kai leaped into action and saved her by repeatedly smashing him on the head with the blunt end of said hatchet. And then, God bless his heroic, hatchet-wielding soul, Kai explained all this to a local news reporter in a profanity-laden interview that places him squarely in the Sweet Brown Wing of the News Interview Hall of Fame.
I don’t want to spoil it for all of you, but Kai’s third appearance in the clip, around the 1:30 mark, is one of the greatest things I have ever seen, and should be studied by historians for centuries.
VERY IMPORTANT UPDATE: Here are six, unedited, extremely NSFW minutes of Kai. Please God, someone put all of the microphones in front of his mouth.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/51/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/06/COOL-POPE-150x150.png)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/06/AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-150x150.png)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/06/reporter-cusses-out-magician-after-his-trick-scares-the-crap-out-of-her-uproxx-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/06/philadelphia-news-anchor-nicole-brewer-hates-the-weather-lady-150x150.jpg)
Florida has got to be SO pissed.
They’re off to a slow start this year.
I was just about to wiki “Fresno, FL” because I had never heard of it.
Looks like it’s my state’s year this time. Christ.
In Florida they just call this “Monday”.
watch the full 6-minute Kai only clip. its gold.
Thank you
[www.youtube.com]
Thanks for the heads up
Auto tune this shit. NOW!
Omg you’re not kidding. Smash smash SMASH
SOMEONE GET THAT MAN A FAMILY.
That guy could not be any more Homeless Hitchhiker Kai. Holding a box of American Spirits while hugging a lady at the end, natch.
I would like to follow him on his adventures.
“Never follow a hippy to a second location.” — Jack Donaghy
“Never follow a hippy to a second location.” — Jack Donaghy
+15
You know I have done that, and it did get weird. This was before Donaghy’s time though.
Smash, smash, SMAAAAASH!
How can i make that a ringtone?
It may be a super old reference, but if someone mashes this with Antoine Dodson, the internet may collapse.
Might i suggest this guy…
[youtu.be]
He is this years version of Homeless voice over guy. Someone get him a walk on role in 2 Broke Girls or some shit!
The only thing that could’ve made this clip any better would be if Gustavo Almodovar was the first reporter on the scene
Hell yea homey boy……….. Gustavoooo Aldo……Marrrr
This dude needs to hitch his way on over to The City so he can crash on fuckin Vince’s J.O. Couch© and make an appearance on the next Frotcast.
Too bad they cut off the part where he offered to fix the car with his Dad’s awesome set of tools.
Aloha, Stinky Pete.
Give this guye his own show STAT!
I’d watch that all day son!!
If I was rich I would pay this guy to just sit around and tell me stories while getting stoned.
“If you’re Jesus Christ, I’ll be the Antichris, man, fuck that shit.” Holy shit I love him.
I bet Vince over at filmdrunk personally knows no less than three people in this clip, and probably played golf with one of them. Fresno sounds amazing.
This is fantastic.
Well, this proves it, ive done nothing with my life. [packs a bandanna tied to stick, sniffs glue, hits the open road]
I have an idea for a show – or at least a segment on Conan O’Brien or something. Kai has the microphone, and picks random people on the street to interview, and then instead of asking them questions, he just lectures them about a few things.
just skateboardin, surfin it up
Zach de la Rocha’s career has gone downhill since RATM.
Killin in the name of!
I, for one, welcome our new HITCHHIKERS WITH HATCHETS tag overlords.
Hitchhiker with a hatchet…… sequel to Hobo with a Shotgun…….
FRESNO FRESNO FRESNO 559 4 LYFE, Y’ALL!
WE OUT HERE!
tosh.0 web redemption in the near future
Tosh doesn’t have enough time in the day, let alone his 30 minute slot, to do this video any justice. Comedy Central should give him an hour special to dedicate to this video.
If the Gregory Brothers aren’t working on this as we speak, I’m done with the internet
Is Fresno twinned with Soweto?
Kai, just Kai
This Kai just became my hero.
“Su-mash” and “Pencilstick”… WELCOME TO THE CHALUPA LEXICON!
The video of Kai for 6 minutes is quite simply one of the greatest things I’ve ever seen.
His closing line is the best part. Kai is already dead. Whatever.
On a serious note, good for Kai. He seems crazy as all hell, but for a good cause at least
Glorious. Just… glorious.
The “Golden voice” homeless guy should have been the one doing the interview. Then they could’ve smoked a rock together.
We should have sent this guy after Bin Laden.
If Kai doesn’t scream “U-S-A” I don’t know who does
Kai you just won the inter-web, what are you going to do now? “I’m going to Disney Land.”
HIS NAME WAS MITCHELL GOOSEN. HIS NAME WAS MITCHELL GOOSEN.
I ike this guy a lot. Reminds me of a dude I used to know in high school named Steve, who now calls himself Tsol and emcees for a troupe of firedancers. I like to think that Tsol would bash a psychotic child rapist’s head in if given the chance, too.
Anonymous local news affiliate video story editor seriously deserves an Emmy for the masterful assembling of two minutes and 25 seconds of pure awesome. It could not be an easy task to boil down the essence of Kai to four short clips and successfully integrate it into a serious news story. Bravo.
You know, I feel like I didn’t really know enough about freight train riders until Kai popped into my life and onto my heart. Thanks, guy.
Holy crap. THAT’S MY OLD NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOUR KAI!!! <3
This was so great I wonder if it was staged.
Also, good thing he didn’t have a gun. BLAST! BLAST BUH-LAST!
We need to find a way to get Kai his own show. The world needs more of Kai, seriously. His catchphrase can be “Suh-MASH!”. Just give him funds to hitchhike all over the continent and we just follow him around. Or maybe give him the tech to make an epic weblog. Cuz that’s some awesome stuff right there.
MTV Road Rules: Train edition starring KAI and Puck from season 1.
“He’s the hero Fresno deserves” but on a serious note, this guy has the right idea, helping others no matter what, Someone get this guy a home by the ocean and all the waves he can surf!
The Guy driving is a douche tard and i’m sure mentally Ill. Hyper-religous ,so I’m guessing schizophrenia. Hope everyone is safe.
http://www.mybrainsick.com
I heart Kai. Unfortunately, by the time he gets chewed up by the internet and spit out on Tosh.0, you all will have moved on and/or turned on him. You either die a hero or live long enough to become the villain.
(come on we need some more Batman comparisons people! this is as close to it as we’re gonna get!!)
Note to self: Get Bat-Hatchet for utility cord belt.
From Sophia, West Virginia to Fresno, California. God bless Him.
Send this boy to California, he would fit right in with the Jerry Brown crowd, except for the rescuing somebody else bit.
Here in Ca., that would get him arrested for terrorism.
Blargh! Copyright claim on the video! Now I have to go dig through teh interwebs and find a mirror…unless anyone else wants to link here? Pretty please?
NM found official link here: [www.youtube.com]. I just have to say: BEST.HEADLINE.EVER for this article! <3
I wish we could clone a ton of Kais. We need more people like him.
You know everybody’s like haha, he’s so funny, but sad reality is that this hero has NO ONE. Why are the good ones always screwed over in this world. 
Fresno already is in California. My youngest offspring lives in Clovis, a suburb of Fresno. Fresno is a very rough city, with an unemployment rate ofter around 20% as seasonal farm labor hits idle seasons. I’m not sure that Fresno per se has an overabundance of fruitcakes, but I’m convinced by massive evidence over my 69 years that theists have such an overabundance. Believing in things for which there is absolutely no tangible evidence tends to do that to a weak minded person.
xanthian.
s/ofter/often/