Look at the bright side, kids: we’ve all seen it, we can’t unsee it now and we’re all going to have nightmares about it. Buy hey — we’re all in this together!
Reports the NY Daily News:
A New Jersey man was fishing in the Garden State when he spotted a massive eel-like fish in the water. Using his bow and arrow, which he conveniently had on hand, he snagged the creature with a shot right through its middle.
It’s believed to be some sort of prehistoric monster called a sea lamprey…
Now excuse me while I turn on all the lights and hide under a blanket. Don’t let anyone push you into the water, you guys. EVER.
(Pic via Reddit)
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WHAT THE HELLLL IS THAT THING!!
it looks like (insert celebrity lesbian)’s vagina!
Lindsay Lohan, the answer was Lindsay Lohan.
Something something Jersey Shore joke.
This or something about Real Housewives of New Jersey.
SOMEBODY SHOOT IT
AGAIN!
NOW WITH FIRE
SOMEBODY BUILD SENTIENT ROBOTS TO DESTROY IT!
I SAY WE DUST OFF AND NUKE THE SITE FROM ORBIT. ITS THE ONLY WAY TO BE SURE !!!
WHOLE LOTTA NOPE.
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
EVERYONE LEAVE. IT’S THE LAMPREY’S WATER NOW.
The Implication is now being fed to one of those
Looks like Fred Ward will finally get some work.
You stole my line but I wanted Kevin Bacon to quit The Following…
NOOOOOOOOOOOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE
[www.reactiongifs.com]
Lampreys are the stuff of nightmares
Whoa. I inadvertently consumed some high octane nightmare fuel the other day by reading about Unit 731. One of my nightmares was a scene from The Horse Whisperer in which the entire ground was composed of a writhing sea of these things. So they’re real? Thanks.
Looks like someone finally got around to shooting a male version of Teeth.
Where’s Kevin Bacon?! TREMORS!!!
NO.
That thing looks just like my special purpose.
THE SANDWORMS THAT ATE BEETLEJUICE ARE REAL?!?!!!?!
OMFG is THAT what Lamprey Pie is made out of!??!?! Fuck you England, just Fuck You.
No. No. No. No. Really?
*heave*
jesus yes…
[www.bbc.co.uk]
The lamprey pie mentions in ASOIAF have always made me kind of uncomfortable.
It looks like it would make a nice pet in some mad scientists lair.
kinda like the “shit weasels” from Dreamcatcher
That’s what I was trying to mention! I couldn’t remember it. I was thinking Langoliers at first, but those things were just balls of teeth. And terrible.
That sound you hear? That is the sound of a million pants dropping as the middle-aged men over in Japan first see this picture.
Actually the Japanese are attempting to crossbreed the lamprey with an octopus to increase its tentacles from zero to eight. The pOrient Film industry is waiting anxiously for the results.
Alright, calm down girls, this is simply a slightly larger version of the little things you buy to clean your fish tank. It sucks algae off rocks on the bottom and has no interest in biting your little wiener off. Promise.
Wrong. Lampreys are bloodsucking parasites.
Have you never seen Tremors?
Didn’t you atleast watch the video above that says they attach to a host and literally suck the life out of it in a horrific manner.
I, for one, welcome our new eel overlords.
I’d like to remind them that as a trusted blog commenter I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underwater slime farms.
+1
we’re eating dickfish tonight !
How has no one commented on how fake the picture looks? Unless there is another picture of it laid out on the ground, I call bullshit.
In the video you can see it’s waaaaay smaller than it looks in the picture. It only looks that huge because it the guy is holding the arrow at an angle towards the camera. It makes his hand look tiny in comparison, and the lamprey is right up in the lens.
I understand forced perspective. It’s being represented as a giant version of a lamprey.
The video has nothing to do with the picture. It is just an explanation of what a lamprey is.
I hold my “lamprey” so it looks bigger too. Impresses the ladies, dontcha know.
Pretty cool that they got Cleveland Brown to narrate the video.
What is Michael Gross and Reba McIntyre up to?
So his first reaction on seeing a giant disembodied fanged penis was to shoot it with an arrow?
…You know, now that I retype that, that doesn’t sound nearly so weird.
So done with this planet.
Okay great, it’s a lamprey. Why they hell is it the size of an elephant’s trunk?
Perspective.
BEHOLD! KIM KARDASHIAN’S FINAL FORM!!!!!
Would that make her Magikarp?
No. But she is a leech on society. Right now she’s attached to Kanye.
Looks like something that might have escaped from Plum Island. They supposedly do some weird shit there.
Meanwhile, there is a missing persons report being filed in Bikini Bottom…
Having a bow and arrow on hand is only convenient if you’re Catniss Everdeen. Otherwise, it seems bizarre if you’re fishing in the 21st century.
Unless you’re bowfishing. Which is a thing. And, incidentally, would explain the line running down from the fisherman’s hand in the picture.
That thing reminds me of an insane German movie I watched called Killer Condoms. The Condoms have teeth, and…well. It was a fantastically bad movie.
Heh, I saw that movie. The transvestite German being overdubbed with Lauryn Hill was pretty memorable.
you can tell its a lamprey because it has 7 gill pores
Not to be a news hipster, but I read about the lamprey on Reddit when it had actually happened. It’s freaky, but it’s obviously just a large specimen of a lamprey. Not that..big a deal.
I’m not a hipster either, but lampreys have been a problem in the Great Lakes for as far back as I remember. And, without context, the first time I saw the picture I said, “Holy shit, how big do lampreys get?”
That’s clearly a gurp gork
The best part of lampreys? They have no jaws. That’s also the worst part. Also King Henry I of England may have died of a “surfeit of lampreys”.
[bit.ly]
Well, that’s better than a surfeit of Krispy Kreme.
So… was he fishing with his bow and arrows, or did he just happen to have them along with his fishing gear?
He was bowfishing. It’s how you catch gar, among other fish that won’t bite a line. It’s not as popular as line fishing, because you can’t exactly throw them back if they’re too small.
Sweet Jesus, it’s the thing that came out of John Hurt in “Alien”………BURN IT!!!!!
[www.imdb.com]
Reminds me of what a dick looks like after sleeping with a jersey shore chick
First that thing tried to eat the Millennium Falcon, and now this.
You brought me here for a LEECH? A BIG, FUCKING LEECH?!
If you come back to the boat now, I promise no harm will come to you. I doubt you’ll get such an offer from the eels.
TAKE THIS SCARY SEA MONSTER OFF THE FRONT PAGE, I’M TIRED OF SCROLLING DOWN AND GETTING SCARED EVERY TIME I SEE IT.
That shit got to be fake, Looks like a alien chest buster