Last night, NBC aired the episode of Law & Order: SVU that was about Chris Brown and Rihanna, but wasn’t about Chris Brown and Rihanna, and how he’s a worthless pile of elephant dung (but elephant dung with a heart, you guys), and nope, it definitely wasn’t about Chris Brown and Rihanna, even though it was totally about Chris Brown and Rihanna. The ripped-from-the-headlines episode, “Funny Valentine,” detailed the saga of Caleb Bryant, who beats his girlfriend, Micha, after she calls him out for flirting with another woman. Also, Dave Navarro’s there.
We don’t know how Chris Brown and Rihanna’s story will end in real life, but SVU does.
Meet Not Chris Brown and Not Rihanna.
Hahahahahaha.
Everything’s going swimmingly (one could say they found love in a hopeless place -ella -ella), until this happens.
A “Jew Lawyer” is asked for.
And a Jew Lawyer you shall receive.
Fake-Rihanna-Who-Isn’t-Playing-Fake-Rihanna-But-Looks-Like-Rihanna has a way with words.
A face you could just squeeze to death.
Yes, that is a New York Post headline.
If you look closely enough, you can see Tambor’s eyes screaming for help.
During a reconciliation tour, Fake CB offers Fake Ri a friendship ring on Wendy. Bowtie’s all for him, though.
Yup, definitely not Chris Brown.
See?
Not Rihanna agrees to testify against Not Chris Brown after a nightclub gunshot that leaves her mentor dead.
Until she doesn’t, because “love rules over all.” This Photoshop cost NBC $45 million.
Right after the trial, they take a romantic vacation somewhere, when he gets a text message.
Quick cut to…JESUS. The end.
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This just depresses me too much to try to find something funny besides it. Maybe that’s why they included Dave.
I certainly hope NBC is battening down the hatches and bracing themselves for the mindless onslaught of Team Breezey
This episode doesn’t seem to paint (not) Brown in the best light.
Was the lawyer Jeffrey Tambor?
How about next season we get a new NBC reality show: “Chris Brown Fighting Women” where each episode Chris Brown fights a woman. The catch? He doesn’t know they’re MMA fighters! The show ends when Chris Brown is crippled.
Green light this immediately!
I would watch the SHIT out of this show.
Crippled just means he can’t walk, right? Because he shouldn’t be allowed to quit if he’s only got multiple dislocated elbows and shoulders.
Crippled means can’t walk. I’ll also accept dead, whichever comes first. Just because he has dislocated elbows and shoulders doesn’t mean he can’t kick!
Is he wearing the red version of Bieber spike hat?
that was the first and most notable thing I found here
You guys are brave. Calling out Bieber and Chris Brown in consecutive days. Get ready for the Beliebers and Team Breezy. They are relentless.
In that picture in which he’s getting arrested, is he wearing a spiky Bieber hat?!?!
/swaggy
Someone needs to set up a pay per view event where Bieber and Brown fight each other. No joke there. That would just make a shit ton of money
Nah, they’d both walk away unscathed, that would be no fun.
Christ, NBC even gave fake Chris Brown the same initials. that lack of imagination also explains why the scroll under Fake Chris Brown and Jeffrey Tambor doesn’t read: “BRYANT ARRESTED, SHOCKING DEVELOPMENT.”
I feel like a hop-on for saying this, but excellent joke, sir.
Since there was such a positive response to my “Chris Brown Fights Women” idea I’ll be back in 2014 with “Let’s Hunt and Kill Donald Trump!” Each week we let the Hounds of Hell loose and chase that comb-over, no-talent, cracker idiot all over the globe.
Oh Bill Hicks, I miss you.
If only Hicks had succeeded in getting that Billy Ray Cyrus show on the air, maybe we’d have been spared the tragedy of Miley.
It makes me happy that NBC writers still think famous black people refer to their lawyers as “Jew lawyers”. Seriously, it warms my heart to imagine the guy who wrote that line.
He didn’t even add lawyer, he just said “call my jew” to his entourage when he got arrested :S
It wasn’t meant to be them, just like them. They had a line early in the episode right after his lawyer met with the acting chief, and the chief said to the other cops that “These two should double date with Rhianna and Chris Brown”. In the show the girl had no where near the celebrity status of Rhianna, which played into the fact that she let the beating go to allow her career to flourish. Rhianna on the other hand was at least a well known celebrity when she got beat.
“Beauty and the Beating” is the Weird Al Yankovic style parody song i’m making for my physical assault of Justin Bieber.
I was getting bored even with this recap (no reflection on Josh)…and then there was Tambor. I am disappointed that the prosecution did not call in its ace, ADA Tambor-with-ponytail.
Is Not Chris Brown wearing one of Justin Bieber’s spiked hats in the “Jew Lawyer” screen capture?
Is there a reason people keep putting Dave Navarro on tv?