As Danger already mentioned, there’s not a lot going on today, and the few semi-notable news items, such as Do No Harm‘s disastrous ratings and Steven Tyler going insane on American Idol, aren’t worth talking about for an entire post. SPEAKING OF TALKING: recent SNL host Jennifer Lawrence was on a talk show last night, Jimmy Kimmel Live, where she discussed a producer’s cure for her recent bout with walking pneumonia (“Your producer made me do two shots of tequila and a beer. But the beer was my decision”) and her boobs.
“I went to the doctor today and got a chest X-ray of my lungs and discovered that my breasts are uneven! That was all I saw, I think my lungs are fine,” the 22-year-old joked.
“I was standing with these doctors and they were looking at my lungs and it felt like the elephant in the room,” Lawrence said. “I was like, ‘Are my breasts uneven?’ And they were just stifled and uncomfortable, obviously.”
“Are you worried about that?” Kimmel responded. “Is that a concern?”
“It wasn’t until the X-ray. I just hope no one will ever see my breasts in an X-ray,” the actress added. “I hope I’m never seen in that light.” (Via)
After hearing this anecdote, a million guys raced to Expedia, booked a flight to Los Angeles, took a cab to the nearest hospital, and asked the nurses there how to become a “boob doctor guy who, like, inspects boobs and stuff to make sure they’re not, um, uneven.” One of these men eventually saved a woman’s life, the other 999,999 were immediately thrown off the premises. J-Law, doing good for the world, one boob story at a time.
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I would rather talk about Do No Harm. I watched it out of curiosity because they filmed in my neighborhood and it was one of the most hilariously bad things on television I have ever seen in my entire life — right behind the amazing mid-2000′s murder-mystery drama “Reunion.”
A few points:
1. The main character uses a RAZR phone.
2. Because of this stunning lack in mobile technology in the year 2013, he must rely on a wristwatch alarm to alert him when his evil half is coming.
3. All of the dialogue and acting. “I’m being PAGED FOR SURGERY.”
4. Before and after every single scene in the show they cut away to a nighttime shot of Philadelphia’s City Hall clock tower.
5. At one point they intentionally name drop one of the best bars in the city (if not country), which is a small, dimly lit, speak-easy/craft cocktail-style bar only to have the characters show up at some gaudy LA affair that looks like something straight out the first season of Angel.
6. I am going to watch the shit out of this mess until it is cancelled.
RE #6: You may already have.
That gives my alter ego who loves bad television the sadz.
“Siri- please give me a 10 minute reminder of when I turn into an unfeeling sociopath”
“Okay – I’ll remind you” in her cold, unfeeling, sociopathic tonality.
(Notes Stacey is from philly area and has watched Angel. Files away information.)
Were you the asshole trying to hit on me at Local 44 tonight? I don’t put out for just any Whedonites.
He doesn’t want to pay the data plans and the Razr is one of the best phones to get if you are not getting a smart phone.
hahaha, no, and duly noted. also good west philly bar knowledge right there.
Well, Fiume was too crowded!
7. The constant exposition of “I’m not the same person at night” bullshit.
8. His serum that has been working accident-free for 5 years now abruptly and completely stops working overnight.
9. He actually writes the title of the show, Do No Harm, with his finger in a steamy window.
10. A show about a troubled doctor with an alter ego of an uncontrollable sociopath should by all rights be a fantastic show… unless ya know, you go most of the show without ever actually showing said uncontrollable sociopath.
Just awful. J-Law is hot.
8: Yes, between that and the very strict timing of when the different personalities, it’s like his fairy godmother comes and turns him back into an evil pumpkin at a VERY SPECIFIC TIME.
11. He finds his ex to warn her that the evil personality is back, and all she can say is that she’s “closed that chapter in her life.” YO, S’COOL, BRO. She closed that chapter. Totes safe!
“Did you know, monkeys eat their young?” <- THAT
Jennifer Lawrence sure is one butterface.
You take that back!
Someone hasn’t seen Silver Linings Playbook… Smokin hawt.
Ummm….OK.
I know,right? Her and that fat fat fatty Kate Upton should just stop already, amirite?
Yes, I would also enjoy slathering her face with butter and…wait, are we on the same page here, you freak?
The internet’s version of “LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME, I’M SAYING SOMETHING, I’M UNIQUE, PLEASE PAY ATTENTION.”
i’m pretty sure that final paragraph of the post describes a Beavis And Butt-Head episode.
I only clicked on the jump to see how many people were in here volunteering to examine her boobs. So it’s just me, then?
You wish!
*wished… FAIL
This would have been a really cute and funny story if you could actually see breast tissue on an Xray.
Did you really call her ‘J Law’? REALLY?? That’s a sad commentary on those of who sycophantically live our lives. I mean, this is Jennifer. You know? I have yet to meet a Jennifer who isn’t hot, and she’s no different. Cute as a button, sweet as candy, talented and funny when she wants to be. Shit, I bet she can even bake. That’s like hotness on a stick, deep fried in canola with no trans-fat and sprinkled with powdered sugar, lopsided titties or not.
Fuckin’ J Law dude?