Sterling Archer gets around. Whether it be one night stands, professionals, co-workers, or potential soulmates, the man has had and paid for -- literally and figuratively -- many confrontations with the opposite sex. International spy work makes that sort of thing possible. Take finding yourself a pirate king, for example. That has its advantages as referenced above. So with tomorrow's night's episode, "Viscous Coupling," getting all relationship-y, there's never been a better time to take a long look back at the various lady friends of Codename Duchess.
In chronological order of the spectacular graphics supplied by our good friends at Floyd County, here's a comprehensive guide to make you feel inadequate when compared to a fictional animated character. Some NSFW-ishness to follow, in case you're not into that sort of thing.
The first female acquaintance of Archer's we're ever introduced to, the flight attendant likes ping pong, has a dog that barks "Puttin' on the Ritz," and is obviously into Greek.
Everyone's favorite Tunt heiress loves strong hands and a lively game of "just the tip."
A devout Catholic and pretty decent in the kitchen.
Barry's maybe fiancee and "the Pelé of anal."
If a call girl is going to have your maybe baby it might as well be one voiced by Janice from Friends.
Although she was probably thinking about Alex Karras.
Just a 16 year-old hailing from the Alabama of Europe who pushed Sterling to his limits.
This, folks, is how you get male breast cancer.
Something, something what happens in Vegas with Dickey.
That's pro work, folks.
The KGB agent turned defector who made Sterling believe in true love.
Redheads: The only proven method to forget your dead fiancee.
Janelle and Ray's brother had an, um, open relationship.
The former KGB agent turned defector turned resurrected cyborg who once again made Sterling believe in true love, only to leave him for another cyborg.
AKA "The Chupacabra of Dicks."
There hasn't been much lady friend action so far for Sterling in S4, but he was married for three months.
Yup. It got weird.
As revealed via death bed confessional. And I guess this chick counts too.
Last but not least. Because no one ever forgets their first love.
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Um, Tina is the underage daughter from Bob’s Burgers. I think you mean Linda.
Maybe I meant Tina? Thanks for the catch. Fixed.
There was much butt-touching involved.
The more the merrier.
Where are the nut rubbers?
Good ol’ Anal Kane.
Sorry, Lana. Damn non-palindromic names, always mess me up.
Hey Hey Hey.
Not so informal. You must address #8 by her title:
Countess von Fingerbang.
She vanted the Villhelm. She vanted Villhelm bad!
Today is a season two marathon kind of day..
Oh Monaco hot tub girl. She had such a brief cameo but will never be forgotten
Not every woman can you you to climax while you’re talking to your mother
You also forgot the Cheryl/Carol likes being choked.
Strong hands mention didn’t do it for you?
So many ping-pong paddles…?
I noticed that too.
I almost commented on this during that re-curring theme post. I want to say there was even a flashback to Mallory holding one when archer was a kid
^ Holy shit!
There is definitely something to do with young Archer and Mallory and ping pong paddles. I can’t cite a reference right now, but I know its there.
It is inferred that Mallory used them for punishment.
Too many ping-pong paddles OR NOT ENOUGH ping-pong paddles?
Framboise and Katya are the hottest by far. Maybe I’m gay for Barry or Archer or both?
And Other Barry?
Of course, Other Barry.
Ever since I saw the episode, I have wondered what was blurred out on the Framboise scene on the chair. Giant purple dildo? That why Archer has the gun?
I always thought it looked like a double-sided one, she would be in ATA.
The woman is the Pelé of anal. You gonna question her? She knows what to put where.
Wasn’t Young Archer’s nanny in there somewhere? Also, shouldn’t # 13 be expanded to the entire pirate island?
thirdly, those fecal matter scenes mostly ruin my erection.
I’m pretty sure there was mention of a chocolate fountain in that episode… God I hope there was.
Archer, wearing a fake mustache, replaces the chocolate fountain guy
yuck. I hate chocolate.
Team Pam all day
chu chu
And twice on Sunday.
Can we get pictures of the human “figure models” for this group like we did the cast? Or most of them anyway…
I’ve always loved to play “just the tip”.
How many guys you play it with?
Sorry sorry sorry I couldn’t resist.
Doesn’t Kieger belong on here as an honorable mention? I mean give the excessive enigmas he gave archer in the space race episode.
Netflix lists “36 episodes” available on Instant for ARCHER but still only has access to the first 23. Season 3 should be up shortly!
That is very good news. I hope they have the mini series too.
Ah grief banging. Because apparently that’s how I grieve. Was curious as to whether Katya and Cyborg Katya were going to count as 2, and I loved the honorable mentions.
This reminds me of all the negative reviews for “Dark of the Moon” that complained a movie about giant robots that blow each other up was mostly giant CGI robots blowing each other up.
It’s not “The Notebook.” It’s not “Saving Private Ryan.” It’s not [insert random indie film here]. It’s Bruce Willis fighting bad guys.
“shaky-cam/Sensurround blast of bullets and bombs, digital explosions and death defying feats of defying death.” just makes me really, really want to see the movie.
I remember my first beer post.
The voice actor who played Anka is a friend of mine from college. I didn’t find out it was her until well after I saw the episode. It was weird.
Cartoon Eskimo Brothers?
Doesnt Conway Stern kind of count? Since he did touch Archer’s penis with his penis.
Bwoop!
Damn cyborg Katya.
Have to give an honorable mention to Mallory. No, they never banged (gack) but there is definitely something wrong with their relationship.
The Vacuum hurt him more than any woman could.