"Who is Sterling Archer's father?" It's the largest looming question in the Archer universe. The mystery has been haunting Sterling himself since the Season 1 finale, "Dial M for Mother," where Malory revealed that Navy Cross-winning fighter pilot John Fitzgerald "Black Jack" Archer, who supposedly died when Sterling was a child, was all a figment of her imagination.
And there has been so much additional intrigue -- as well as Malory sex partners -- revealed since then the possibilities can often be hard to track. So with the help of Executive Producer Matt Thompson we've put together this collection of candidates, complete with Matt's own thoughts and some form of a paternity verdict decided by me.
Spoilers to follow. Candidates in chronological order of appearance. Images via Floyd County. Previously: The Ladies of Archer: A Comprehensive Guide.
The former head of the KGB has long been rumored to be Sterling's father thanks to a 40 year ongoing relationship with Malory. So much so that Sterling went to Russian searching for answers, only to be captured by the KGB, only to be rescued by Barry Dylan, only for the KGB to turn Barry into a cyborg, only for Barry to take over the KGB and blow up a defected Nikolai so that we never find out if he's the real dad for sure. Phew.
MATT THOMPSON SAYS: "Jakov being the father is possible. He is dead, but what was on that video tape message to Sterling?"
RESEMBLANCE FACTOR: Moderate to moderately high (depending on abundance of wifebeaters).
LIKELIHOOD: High. Jakov has always been a prime suspect and the long-term affair makes sense.
VERDICT: Inconclusive
The head of ODIN has regularly professed his love for Malory, has been named as one of Sterling's potential fathers, and his relationship with Malory spans back a long time, although exactly how long is unclear.
MATT THOMPSON SAYS: "Still possible. It would explain Sterling's arrested development." (See what he did there?)
RESEMBLANCE FACTOR: Low. Sterling has way better hair.
LIKELIHOOD: Medium. One of three candidates Malory offers up when she first confesses that John Fitzgerald Archer is a scam, but Trexler hasn't been around for quite some time and the odds appear to be against him.
VERDICT: Inconclusive
Malory hires former ISIS agent Rip Riley to retrieve Sterling in the "Heart of Archness" miniseries, where it is revealed that Rip had a brief sexual relationship with Malory. The details are hazy outside of Rip's inability to fill Malory's needs, but there's still a slim possibility he could be dad.
MATT THOMPSON SAYS: "Noooooope. You are not the father!"
RESEMBLANCE FACTOR: Low, even with matching shiners.
LIKELIHOOD: Zero percent chance.
VERDICT:
Prior to actually dating Malory, Burt Reynolds would have been Sterling's father of choice, but much like Levar Burton showing up, you can't disappoint a picture.
MATT THOMPSON SAYS: "How cool would this be? It would make complete sense with Archer's driving skills in particular. It's possible."
RESEMBLANCE FACTOR: Often Uncanny
LIKELIHOOD: Low. As far as we know Malory and Burt did not cross paths until much later in life. For the purposes of this study...
VERDICT:
Savio Mascalzoni appeared in Season 3's incredible "Lo Scandalo" where it was revealed he and Malory had maintained a long-term, fetish-escalating affair. It should be mentioned that the man died -- at the hand's of Malory -- in a zentai suit, sporting a buttplug.
MATT THOMPSON SAYS: "Not 100% ruled out. He has the hair for it. And we did allude heavily to Archer's love of all things Italian in that episode."
RESEMBLANCE FACTOR: High. Look at that hair!
LIKELIHOOD: Low. Malory supposedly killed the PM after years of plotting as retribution for the death of her ex-lover, who could also potentially be Sterling's father. So for the purposes of this study...
VERDICT:
Billed as "The World's Greatest Drummer," Buddy Rich (not Gene Krupa), is one of three possible fathers Malory identifies to Sterling in "Dial M for Mother." But even Malory acknowledges he is the least likely of the three.
MATT THOMPSON SAYS: "Not likely. Never trust a drummer."
RESEMBLANCE FACTOR: Low. Those teeth.
LIKELIHOOD: Low. Despite Malory never being able to say no to a drummer, Buddy Rich seems to be in the clear.
VERDICT:
Of all the candidates we've been introduced to so far Jakov and Trexler seem to be the most likely to have brought the world's foremost prep school lacrosse player turned super spy into existence. There's also the very high possibility that we have not been introduced to Sterling's biological dad yet, but at least we're all caught up on where Sterling himself thinks he stands.
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Maybe it really was Gene Krupa all along.
You mean Gene Cooper?
Typo/idiocy on my part. Gene Krupa is the alternate drummer.
Confused about why Trexler’s baldness makes his probability low, while Jakov’s nearly-identical baldness doesn’t prohibit him from being moderate to moderately high.
If there was a photo of Trexler and Archer in matching under garments it would have greatly altered my scientific analysis.
For what it’s worth, my dad was balder than Trexler, and while my hair may not be Archer-like, I am nowhere near bald. Unless — are you saying — my dad wasn’t my dad after all!?!? DAMN YOU, GENE KRUPA!!!!
Baldness is a maternally transmitted characteristic. So Trexler & Jacov are in the game. Says the bald guy whose father has a mostly full head of hair.
Don’t rule out Kreiger. Who says Archer wasn’t made in a lab?
They’re fairly close in age… maybe brothers?
So are youre saying Archer is a possible Hitler clone too?
No use of “Papa Test”? This list is VOID!
My favorite was when he called it “maybe baby daddy test.” That flows like Lil Wayne wishes.
I thought they made it clear that it was the dude that the italian pm killed no?
They made it clear that it MIGHT have been, I think the PM even mocks her for not knowing for sure.
Yeah, where’s the guy that was actually the REASON for the Lo Scandalo revenge killing? The hair, blue eyes, etc…that’s the leading candidate.
Outside bet: Woodhouse. Why the hell else would he put up with Archer?
I thought the same thing until I remembered that Mallory met Woodhouse when she was giving birth to Archer.
Or so he said. Or was told to say by Malory.
I’ve thought he was the dad for a while now.
Also because Woodhouse is gay.
Yes, very gay for Reggie.
Mallory is the father. The question is who’s Archer’s mother.
I like the Black Dudes Zoidberg scuttle.
I don’t know about the father, but if we’re going by looks alone, I’d put good money on Olivia Munn being his sister.
I think it was the Irish mobster from Season Two – the one Archer shot in the face. He mentioned being with Mallory for 3 days (she said 3 weeks) at Phuket, Thailand. The mobster had bright blue eyes…you never know.
Hmmm… Sorry to be brutally honest but, this seems to me like a pointless article that doesn’t even include the single most likely person to be Archer’s father. Malory explains to the italian prime minister that the reason she is killing him is because he had a guy killed back in whenever times when Malory was in Rome, and the guy whom she was with, had “thick wavy black hair” and “may have been my sons’ father”. To be honest from then on I have considered that matter solved. Malory wouldn’t hold a grudge for such a long time if she wasn’t strongly inclined at the idea that that guy was indeed Sterling’s father, at least I don’t think so. None of the other people remotely look like Archer, and the other guy seems to be hinted at being the one who gave him his so-loved hair.
It’s clearly Krieger.
I like this theory
Sterling is his own father, thanks to drunken, incestuous time-traveling shenanigans.
The father is… Jonny Quest!
Woodhouse.
i am convinced that his father is that random, unnamed italian guy in ‘lo scandolo’ how much would that fit? all that speculation and rotating cast of guys, and it’s the one who’s name we never hear and face we never see
As someone who has spent WAY too many weekday mornings watching Maury, let me just say how much I loved the GIFS.
Indeed.
Ha- Krieger rubbing his nipples in the Trexler picture has me howling.
It’s SO easy to figure out who’s Archer’s father is… look for the man with the Clef Chin. Whoever Malory slept with has a clef chin, because Archer has a Clef Chin also. It’s Hereditary and Men carry that gene.
Did nobody else notice in the latest episode that during the credits Peter Serafinowicz popped up, the guy who did the voice for George Spelvin? Pretty sure the voice he used for him and the voice of the guy who was Archers real father were incredibly similar.
Wait, I just realized, is the pic at the start a hat tip to JFK Jr? Oh, crap.
Well Jakov is out of the question, if Archer’s near-death purgatory hallucination recall means anything
James Mason. I swear it has to be him! He died when Archer was six and was in Once Bitten. It’s gotta be him