There are obviously some very important things that we need to discuss about last night's excellent episode, but most of those are going to have to wait because this is one of those times when I need to talk about Boyd Crowder. Boyd was a busy man last night. In the span of one hour he managed trick Wynn Duffy into taking out two of his enemies, leapfrog Duffy ("the assistant principal") in the Detroit mob's Kentucky power structure, narrowly escape his demise (thanks to the quick gun of his sworn enemy/future wedding guest), and use his new-found, high-ranking criminal connections to strong-arm the surviving members of the Harlan Illuminati into giving him the pieces he needs for his plan to go legit. ("I am the outlaw, and this is my world, and my world has a high cost of living.")
And what are those pieces, you ask? Three hundred grand and a Dairy Queen franchise. The man -- a well-read, nattily attired, criminal savant with hair that makes it looks like some part of his body is constantly being electrocuted -- wants to give up his life of vice and violence to become A SOUTHERN ICE CREAM MAGNATE.
How can you not love Boyd Crowder? And now, the highights:
- ARLO! Arlo may have been a royal son-of-a-bitch and an awful father whose last words to his son were "Kiss my ass," but I will give him this: Getting into a fight in a prison barbershop with two men who were plotting to kill you, and repeatedly screaming "GET SOME! GET SOME!" until one of them plunges shears into your chest is a pretty badass way to go out.
- Really nice acting by Timothy Olyphant, too. We're not used to seeing stuff get to Raylan, so that scene at the elevator -- even though it was pretty brief -- spoke volumes.
- Speaking of that scene, you all saw what happened right before it, right? Raylan got taken off the case! (Kind of. I know it's just two days off, but work with me.) That's my favorite action/cop thing of all-time. "You're out of control right now. YOU'RE A LOOSE CANNON!" "I can handle it, chief. I'm so close to Cortez's operation. Just give me one more chance!" "Not this time, buddy. This comes from city hall. I need your badge and gun." So, yeah. Raylan's definitely solving the Drew Thompson case on his "days off."
- After a few slow weeks to start the season, now errrrrrrbody get shot. Rich guys? SHOT. Hitmen? SHOT. Tim's junkie Army buddy? SHOT. Blossom's brother? SHOT. That one security guy or whatever? SHOT. If I'm an actor on Justified, let's just say I'd feel a little more comfortable renting a sensible apartment than buying a house.
- "Don't say sh-t unless you're sure it helps." Today ain't the day for sassin', Tim.
- Soooooooo... Shelby is Drew Thompson, yes? Is that what lines like "If you pretend to be something long enough, it’s not pretending" are there to imply? I'm open to counter arguments, and I have no advance information on this, but that seemed to be a theme last night.
- I will be very sad if Wynn Duffy gets killed. Boyd playing him like a fiddle, and his plotting with Johnny, all make it seem like one of the two of them might have to go, and that one would almost certainly be Wynn. (If Boyd gets killed off in all this Theo Tonin business I will literally cry for a week.)
- No Jackie Nevada this week, but here is what I think she was up to off-camera: I think she probably played in a poker game with some rich, older guys and flirted and played dumb until she cleaned them all out. (Giggling, leaning in to haul in chips in such a way that her low-cut top revealed something other than her intentions, etc.). Then she probably blew off her grad classes for the day and hopped a plane to Miami, where she lounged by the beach in a tiny black bikini, sipped on a mai tai, and scoped out potential new marks while doing her reading for the next day's classes. (NOTE: I am willing to write and direct a Jackie Nevada spin-off for free.)
Now, as always, GIFs from Chet Manley. Please do not murder me while I am getting a haircut.
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