How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 8 p.m.) — No, not Tugboat, but the Captain, played by Kyle MacLachlan, who calls Ted out of the blue. Just keep Zoey away, please.
The Biggest Loser (NBC, 8 p.m.) — Mondays are the worst.
Bunheads (ABC Family, 9 p.m.) — “Michelle and Bash turn the dance studio into an evacuation center when a nearby fire threatens the town.” And the possibly of Amy Sherman-Palladino dropping a “roof is on fire” reference has been upgraded from threat to all-out crisis.
Dallas (TNT, 9 p.m.) — I’m currently in Texas, and I’ve yet to see any backstabbing. Such a let down.
Lost Girl (SyFy, 10 p.m.) — I’m always disappointed that whenever an episode descriptions reads “[CHARACTER],” in this case Bo, “has to get help from the person they trust the least,” it’s never a two-legged squirrel with chronic diarrhea that’s the untrustworthy helper. I wouldn’t trust that guy.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: David Spade on Letterman; Kevin Bacon and Dennis Rodman on Leno; Andy Samberg on Kimmel; Jacki Weaver on Ferguson; and Artie Lange, Alison Brie (!), and Tame Impala on Fallon.