What’s that, Louie Anderson? You have something to say? You do? Let me move closer. Oh man, Louie, you look and smell like a Cheeto that’s expanded to 80 times its original size while stuck in a pool filter. OK, what’s up? Why yes, I do know that you created Life with Louie…and that you were the voice of Louie…and that you were in Coming to America…and that Coming to America starred in Eddie Murphy…and that an entire section of your Wikipedia page reads, “A 1985 marriage to his high-school sweetheart lasted four weeks”…and that, hey, is this going anywhere? I did watch Splash, the celebrity diving show you’re on that premiered last night on ABC, yes. You were very good. Were you the best? I don’t know about that, IRL Hedonismbot, I mean, Louie. Let’s check the tape.
Here’s you:
Very nice, very nice. Here’s Katherine Webb, your only real competition (sorry, Rudy).
Hm, so close. Let’s check out one more from Katherine.
SUCH A TOUGH CHOICE. Last one, I swear.
I think I’ve seen enough. The winner: Louie Anderson needing help to get out of the pool.
The loser: America. (And Happy Endings.) (Also, who actually won?)
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I once saw Louie Anderson eating a full-sized bag of nacho cheese Doritos outside Mystic Lake Casino near Minneapolis. His hair was perfect.
Stay away from him, he’ll rip your lungs out… well, maybe not that, but for Christ’s sake don’t any body parts near his plate.
[this post had been redacted due to violation of a catchphrase trademark held by Rob Ryan]
Yep, this comment gave me my coffee spit take of the day.
He doesn’t live in Minneapolis, does he? I do, and last time I went to Matt’s Bar I heard he had recently been there (yeah, this is what passes for news in MSP). Either way, I’d like to meet his tailor.
Beatrix, just look up Tent Maker in the phone book.
/I’ll be playing the Catskills all week
This entire comment thread made my day and makes me want to get a big dish of beef chow mein.
I could literally smell Louie’s sentimental hygiene.
As hilarious as that Louie Anderson gif is, he actually does a better dive than I can
Why don’t divers just thank gravity and shut the fuck up?
My biggest take away from the night? Rudy is HOT!
I have this sitting on my DVR, so no spoilers. Also, if anyone has a rationale my wife would buy for having this and The Client List set on series record, I’m all ears.
Easy one for The Client List. Just tell her you’re trying to help support the women’s channel.
I got the wife to watch the client list and we both laughed so much she didn’t notice that I didn’t delete it when we were done. Also, led to a lovely massage.
Ay yo, Webb! How you livin’, boo?
Let’s see who to eliminate. The chick who is a better diver but not a piece of ass, or the chick who is a pretty shitty diver, has some balls, and is hot as fuck. Judges say..
Given the proliferation of shows like this, I’m surprised there’s not a “celebrities do stuff” network.
Give it time. NBC’s 2013-2014 prime time lineup:
Monday 8 – 10 Celebrities on ice
Tuesday 8 – 9 Celebrities on ice recap
Tuesday 9 -10 Celebrities in rehab
Wednesday 8 – 10 Celebrities rap
Thursday 8 – 9 Celebrities rap recap
Thursday 9 – 10 Celebrity sex house
Friday 8 – 10 Celebrities cook and perform stand up comedy at the same time
Saturday 8 – 10 Matlock
That last photo is me in a few years. Who am i kidding, it’s me now.
Not trying to go full “2/10 would not bang” here but c’mon she’s a bit of a butterface right?
Her what now?
Heh obviously her body is freaking amazing.
Surely any face is better than staring at your weathered and callused palm again.
It took me 5 minutes to realize we weren’t talking about “Splash” the movie. Sorry John Candy!