When we look back on this decade, say, twenty years down the road, two questions will probably jump out at us: One, how did it take us so long to come up with a taco that had been blasted with Dorito dust; and two, how THE HELL did it take us so long to come up with a porn parody of Parks & Recreation titled Porks & Recreation? I mean, both ideas have been right in front of our faces for so long. We should really be ashamed.
But, for now, let’s focus on the present, and the fact that said Parks & Rec porn parody has finally been produced, thanks to the hard work of an adult film company named “Wood Rocket.” As you might imagine, the existence of this film raises a number of very important questions, which I have helpfully listed below the film’s SFW trailer. Enjoy.
How long did it take to come up with that title?
Like, one second?
If it took longer than one second, was everyone involved in the decision making process fired for gross incompetence?
Did anyone take it a step further and pitch Porks & Procreation?
That would have been pretty weird, right?
You know, because “procreation” implies people are not just having sex, but also, like, making a baby?
Did everyone in the room get really quiet when it was pitched and fidget nervously in their chairs until the boss said something like “Uh, I don’t think that’s something the audience wants to think about, Carl. We’ve talked about this. Repeatedly”?
What is Carl’s deal, anyway?
Do you think think there’s someone who’s been working on an idea for a Parks & Rec-themed BBQ restaurant called Porks & Recreation, and just realized today that “Porks” could also mean sex?
Do you think he’s FURIOUS?
Do you think he already commissioned a 30-foot Ron Swanson statue that he was going to put out front to attract the attention of people driving by, and now he’s all “Jesus. What the hell am I going to do with a 30-foot Ron Swanson statue? I spent my life savings on it. Oh God, I’m ruined.”
What if he just had them add a huge ax and told everyone it was a Paul Bunyan statue?
Do you think a Paul Bunyan museum could be financially successful in this troubled economic climate?
If you were a woman who was married to a man who just commissioned a 30-foot tall Ron Swanson statue that bankrupted the both of you, would you leave him or try to stick it out?
How many references do you think there are in the movie to Ron “working with wood”?
If it’s less than 10, will you be disappointed?
How many of these references would it take to please you?
Why is the Tom Haverford character played by a busty woman?
Why does the Ron Swanson character say “literally” in the trailer like Chris Traeger?
Speaking of Chris, where are he, Ann Perkins, April, Andy, Donna, and Jerry?
Do you think the people who made this movie saw, like, three minutes of one episode and were like “Yeah yeah, got it. The blonde lady has a boss with a mustache and the Indian guy comes up with funny business ideas. Good show. Would be better if the Indian guy had huge cans. [shouts to intern] HEY, write that down!”
Do you think that intern likes his job?
Do you think he got into it thinking, “Hey, this sounds sweet. And it’s definitely better than heading home to work at Dad’s hardware store for the summer again”?
His parents are probably super pissed, right?
How do you think he explained that to them? “Hey Mom and Dad, remember how I said I was looking for internships in the film industry? Well, I found one. Sort of…”
Do you think when people ask his mom what he’s doing out in California she starts to stammer something about showbiz and then breaks down and cries “HE COULD HAVE BEEN A DOCTOR”?
Will you be livid if Perd Hapley doesn’t make an appearance in this movie?
Wouldn’t it be great if he shows up at some point and is like, “Hello, Leslie. I would like to have intercourse with you, and by that I mean I would like to put my penis in your vagina”?
Or what if he’s named “Perv Hapley” and he hosts a talk show about the adult film industry?
Would you watch that show if it existed?
Do you think Carl pitched some sick sh*t involving Lil Sebastian?
Do you think when everyone freaked out after he said that, Carl tried to backtrack by saying, “Nonono. I mean, like, a dude in a horse costume, not an actual horse”?
Does that make his pitch less creepy or more creepy?
What is your opinion on obscenity laws in America?
Do you think when Supreme Court justice Potter Stewart said of obscenity, “I know it when I see it,” all of the other justices snickered behind his back like “I bet you do, buddy”?
Do you think Supreme Court justices like to bust each others chops?
What if a justice retired and the president decided to nominate a roast comic for the empty seat, and the comic made Congress laugh so much at the confirmation hearing that they were just like “Yeah, he’s cool”?
At the beginning of this trailer, on the title card, it says “Porks & Recreation: An XXX Parody: Part 1.” Does this mean there will be sequels?
Isn’t it a little presumptuous to assume that before the first one is released?
Do you think the director started making this movie and was like, “There’s no way I can tell this story in a single film”?
Does he have, like, a whole trilogy mapped out in his head already?
This is Peter Jackson’s fault, isn’t it?
Is that why the other characters don’t show up in this trailer?
Will the sequels focus on the other relationships (like, one for Ann and Chris, one for April and Andy, etc.)?
Do you think Jean-Ralphio shows up at some point?
How weird would it be if he was in the movie and had sex with the busty female Tom?
HOW IS COUNCILMAN JAMM NOT IN THIS MOVIE?
Do you think someone pitched an idea where Jamm tells Leslie he’ll give her his vote if she sleeps with him and then he double-crosses her at the last minute while shouting “YOU GOT JAMMED … TWICE,” but it got shot down because it seemed “a little too rape-y”?
It was probably Carl’s idea, right?
Seriously though, what is that guy’s deal?
