If Parks and Recreation is ending after its next season, the show’s sixth, then it’s sure as hell going to use as much of NBC’s money as possible. Just this week alone, creator Michael Schur announced that a nice, little chunk of the budget will be spent on guest stars Heidi Klum, as a small-town Denmark mayor, and Henry Winkler, who will play Jean-Ralphio’s dad. And before that, Leslie Knope’s new Eagleton rival, Kristen Bell.
This news is (not) the WOOOOOOOORST. Don’t stop now, Ken Tremendous, continue with your casting revelations. After the jump, we have suggestions for who should play two of Parks‘ occasionally mentioned, but never seen characters, as well as other similar ideas from eight different shows. This is for you, Bob Sacamano.
1. Ron Swanson’s brothers (Parks and Recreation)
In the second season episode “Hunting Trip,” Ron reveals to Leslie that he has two brothers, one whom is in the Air Force. Like any Turf ‘N’ Turf-gorging American, the Swanson boys watch the Super Bowl together, but that’s all we know about them. They’re never mentioned again onscreen, but Nick Offerman has discussed them off-screen: he wants Zach Galifianakis to play his sibling, Don, which, yes. As for the other one, two words: Stan. Rizzo.
2. Schmidt’s mother (New Girl)
That was a wildly inappropriate GIF to use for this selection. Anyway, through New Girl‘s first two seasons, we’ve met Nick and Jessica’s parents, but the same can’t be said for Winston and Schmidt. It’s not surprising that the background of the former hasn’t been filled in (the guy he replaced is returning, after all), but it’s a little shocking we haven’t met Mama and Papa Schmidt yet. Like everyone on New Girl, Schmidt has daddy issues: he left the family when Schmidt was young, while his mom could be described as “Jewish.” Get Laraine Newman ASAP.
3. Mace Tyrell (Game of Thrones)
Rumor has it the Lord of Highgarden and father of sideways-smiler Margaery will be played by Sherlock‘s Mark Gatiss, who, if it can’t be guest star superstar Donal Logue, is just about the second best option.
4. Lorna Morello’s husband (Orange Is the New Black)
One of the best decisions Orange is the New Black creator Jenji Kohan made was giving the non-Piper inmates their own flashbacks. Every episode, we learned a little more about the people our POV protagonist would be spending the next 15 months with. A personal favorite of mine was Lorna, whose entire knowledge of Hispanic culture is based on West Side Story and whose accent I want to hear in my dreams for months. She has an oft-mentioned, never seen (even to her, after her first three months in prison) fiancee named Christopher, who likely has moved on, but I still want to know a little more about why Lorna’s where she is. Another option: the Warden.
5. The President (Veep)
It’s never going to happen. It shouldn’t happen. But I still want it to happen. I feel more attached to Veep‘s prick of a president than I do most politicians, which says far too much to me, but in my mind, it’s a battle between what’s good for the show and what’s good for SHOW THE DAMN PRESIDENT. (Don’t.)
6. Mother Shabubu (The Simpsons)
After two and a half decades, the back stories for nearly every character that’s ever appeared on The Simpsons are known. No one asked how and why the Crazy Cat Lady became the Crazy Cat Lady, and yet season 22’s “A Midsummer’s Nice Dream” still answered the rhetorical question. We’ve previously listed our favorite one-episode-only characters, but there’s one who was never seen and is only mentioned once, all the way back in 1992, and now I need to know EVERYTHING. I’m, of course, talking about Homer’s cult-joining cousin Frank Simpson, or as you might know him, Mother Shabubu. I hope that before whenever The Simpsons ends (2038?), there’s an entire episode dedicated to the former-Francine, and that Roy shows up again, too. Never enough Roy.
7. Bowman Crowder (Justified)
I was tempted to go with Annie Edison’s parents or maybe Trudy Beekman (we only saw the back of her head last season) here, but “Bowman” is a fun word to type and I don’t get to use it nearly enough. Bowman.
8. Saul Goodman’s ex-wives (Breaking Bad)
Should the Saul Goodman spinoff ever happen, it needs to heavily dip into his personal life, like the fact that he has several ex-wives, one of whom had an affair with his step-father. The first time that was mentioned, I misheard “step-father” as “father-in-law,” and got very confused. Leave the AMC incest to Small Town Security.
9. Charlie Kelly’s sister (It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia)
According to the preposterously insightful It’s Always Sunny Wiki, “Charlie has at least one younger sister who is mentioned once. Two young girls are at Charlie’s intervention but neither of them speaks or is named. When Charlie mentions his sister to the McPoyles, he states that she was at the intervention they had just left.” That doesn’t really count, though, especially because neither one of them was played by Natasha Leggero.
10. Mayor Gunderson (Parks and Recreation)
Yeah, we’ve already done one for Parks and Recreation already, but if the role of Pawnee’s mayor is given to anyone but Bill Murray, we riot, so I’m going to keep pretending it’ll be Murray, like how Murray was cast as Jeff Winger’s dad on Community and you can’t convince me otherwise.
