Jack Bauer: [kicks down the door to my apartment] TELL ME IF CHLOE IS COMING BACK!
Me: What? Why? Why did you kick down my door? I would have let you in if you knoc-
Jack Bauer: [shoots me in the kneecap]
Me: [screams]
Jack Bauer: FOCUS. CHLOE. THE NEW 24 SERIES. IS SHE COMING BACK?
Me: I’ll check! I’ll check! Just please don’t shoot me again!
Jack Bauer: [shoots me in the other kneecap] THERE ISN’T ANY TIME!
Me: [bleeding profusely from both legs] AAAAAHHH HERE IT IS YES SHE’S COMING BACK AHHHH!
Like former star Kiefer Sutherland and much of the show’s original writing staff, [Mary Lynn] Rajskub will be reprising her role as CTU systems analyst and Jack Bauer confidante Chloe O’Brian in the 24: Live Another Day. The Fox limited series, which will pick up Bauer’s story several years after the events of the final season, is set to bow in spring 2014.
Me: Wait, really?
Jack Bauer: WHAT?!
Me: No, it’s nothing.
Jack Bauer: [holds garbage bag over my head until I almost suffocate] TELL ME. WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?
Me: Jesus! I’m not working for anyone! I just, like… I…
Jack Bauer: [breaks my thumb]
Me: AAAAAHHHHH I JUST DON’T KNOW IF REBOOTING A FRANCHISE THAT RAN OUT OF FRESH IDEAS YEARS AGO IS NECESSARILY THE BEST IDEA, AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT LIVE ANOTHER DAY IS SUPPOSED TO MEAN! IS IT A PUN? LIKE, “ANOTHER DAY” AS IN ANOTHER “24” HOURS? IS THAT’S WHAT’S GOING ON? PLEASE STOP HURTING ME!
Jack Bauer: [takes phone call] Bauer … WHAT?! THE AMBASSADOR WAS A MOLE?! … AND HE HAS NERVE GAS?! … AND HE’S WORKING WITH A REBEL FACTION WITHIN THE MILITARY?! … AND THE PRESIDENT IS IN A COMA?! … AND CTU IS UNDER SIEGE FROM CHINESE HACKERS?! … AND I NEED TO GET INSIDE THE GOVERNOR’S MANSION … GIVE ME THE SCHEMATICS! … THERE ISN’T ANY TIME! … [hangs up, exits by kicking down the back door even though it was unlocked]
Me: [passes out from blood loss]
