HBO’s Boardwalk Empire is one of the most sprawling and involved shows on TV, with a cast the size of a beer barrel (or at least equal to The Wire). So all this season, the show’s fourth, we’ll be breaking down the 10 most bloody, boozy, and booby from every season, beginning with last night’s premiere, “New York Sour.”
If season four was nothing but Richard traveling the globe, silently shooting people, Boardwalk Empire would be the greatest show of all-time. Instead, he only kills a COUPLE of guys, so we’ll have to settle for the show being very, very good. He’s moved on from New Jersey after the bloodbath in the Darmondy residence; he’s now touring the Midwest, taking out fat guys — and letting them sign Christmas cards — as he sees fit, with a final destination of his sister Emma’s house. Were it any character other than Richard, this development would be worrisome: Boardwalk is already checking in with Jersey, New York, Chicago, Florida (presumably), and now, Wisconsin, where they’ve probably never even SEEN a half-masked hit man before. But because it’s Richard, and the schmucks he took out were involved with mortgages, I’m totally on board. MORE GUYS GETTING SHOT IN THE SKULL PLEASE.
Do you think Cora drew this masterpiece before arriving at Chalky’s Onyx Club, like Jane Kerkovich and her ideal salary on a folded-up piece of paper? Or spur of the moment? It could be for any man with a comically erect penis, but Dunn happens to be the lucky guy who receives it. I think they’re going to have a long, happy life together.
When Nucky (with Eli), Joe Masseria (with Lucky), and Meyer Lansky (with Rothstein) get together, it’s like a Character Actor Convention. The only person missing is Michael Shannon’s George Mueller, who’s absence is felt throughout “New York Sour.” I’m sure he was busy bulging his eyes out somewhere. Anyway, Nucky calls the various mobsters together to make nice, so he can walk around Manhattan without having to “[look] over my shoulder every second.” This is no concern to Masseria, who’s never met a word he couldn’t-a add-a an-a “a” to end of. He just wants retribution for the men he lost last season. Money’ll do, and it does. The peace is upheld…for now.
When Junior Soprano’s Sideburns is your lawyer, you’re not in good shape. Doing heroin doesn’t help, either. Gillian’s prostituting her house (and herself) now, and has a prospective ’round-the-town companion in Piggly Wiggly tycoon Roy Phillips, played by Ron Livingston. Damn it feels good to be a junkie fighting for custody.
Were this Les Misérables, that son would avenge his father’s death. Boardwalk Empire is not Les Misérables, though I can imagine Richard mumbling “I Dreamed a Dream” while flipping through his scrapbooks.
Alphonse Caponi is not pleased. He’s in a hush-hush profession, but still loudly craves the spotlight, so much so that after a journalist misspells his last name, he and his cronies head down to the newsroom where they put an end to Will McAvoy and MacKenzie McHale’s meet not-cutes, goes the version in my dreams, at least. What actually happens is pretty good, too: Capone restrains himself from burying his reporter friend beneath six feet of broken typewriters. He merely intimidates the guy, which is how all English teachers should train their students. Taking them to a brothel where the ladies only see the ceilings would work, too. This is going to be a good year for Capone; it’s just a matter of when.
Remember what I said earlier, about Dunn and Cora’s peaceful life of peacey peacefulness, where no one stabs anyone in the face with a broken bottle? (TALK ABOUT BOTTLE SERVICE.) Oops. Cora and her fittingly-named husband Dickey are into some kinky stuff, and by kinky stuff, I mean he’s a horrible, cuckolding racist who masturbates to a black men f*cking his devilish wife. As one does. He gets his bloody, deadly comeuppance, she escapes through the bedroom window, and Chalky has a problem; Dunn is far too explosive to be such a key member of an increasingly prominent organization. He thinks with his dick and not with his head, unlike Nucky, who pulls off both. Cora could either be a red herring, never to be seen again, or she could mean big trouble for the Onyx Club later on.
Chalky and Eli are figuratively cold; Dunn is literally cold. AND CLOSE THE DAMN DOOR. (Sidenote: Boardwalk has struggled with themes, or at least a sense of it being about more than what you just see on-screen. That’s why so many criticisms of the show are about it being gorgeous on the outside, hollow on the in-. If the rise of the African-American businessman is one of the major arcs for this season, that would be excellent news; Boardwalk could use the momentum, a sense of looking great and standing for something greater, all in a well-pressed suit, mind you.
Agent Loren Knox is my new favorite character (beside Richard). When he was aw-shucks introduced, he seemed TOO dumb and naive. That’s because he was playing dumb and naive. He tells Stan about Borst’s secret bootlegging operation, but leaves out one important detail: the shotgun booby trap. (Nucky knows a thing or two about booby traps *nudge nudge*). As Stan is bleeding to death on the cold, snowy ground, Knox helps himself to a drink (which I may have thought was piss at first) and mocks that he’ll call in the incident “as soon as [he gets] a grip.”
Want to get lucky with Nucky? Don’t flat-out tell him that the only reason you’re sleeping with him is because he can turn you into a Broadway star like Billie Kent, even if the only reason a gorgeous, tall woman would sleep with Nucky is because he can turn her into a Broadway star like Billie Kent. Honestly, I’m fine with What’s-Her-Name not returning, assuming she doesn’t; the Billie arc too often dragged down the action. In fact, Nucky’s romantic relationships usually feel like time filler before the episode returns to another, more interesting story. That’s not a veiled criticism toward Margaret — though I could see her becoming Boardwalk‘s Betty Draper, i.e. a character that could be dropped with little to no fuss; rather, like Piper on Orange Is the New Black, Nucky is increasingly our kind-of boring guide into a more intriguing world around him. He’s the sun, but looking at the smaller stars won’t blind you.
