Breaking Bad is one of the greatest shows of all-time, so just like last year, UPROXX is going all-out on our coverage of the show this season, its last. Cajun Boy will be writing the recap, while I’ll be handling the Breaking Badass Power Rankings, which will, well, rank the most badass characters from every episode. Why “Badass?” Obviously, the so-not-clever-that-it’s-clever name, but also because Breaking Bad is the kind of a show that makes you want to drink an entire bottle before watching it, to soothe your soon-to-be-tense nerves. That’s pretty badass.
Episode: “Rabid Dog”
Not Ranked: Walt Jr., Huell, Kenny, Gomie, and Marie’s Dr. Melfi.
8. Bald Man in the Plaza
“Mr. Gilligan, thank you so much for picking me for this part. I’m sure thousands of actors auditioned for Unnamed Bald Guy, and I’m honored you chose me. So what’s my back story? Am I Walt’s childhood friend who’s served 20 years in prison? Am I the new cleaner? I know you have a long history of casting bald men in important…oh, I only have two scenes? And no lines? And I don’t even get to kill anyone? Are you sure you don’t have anything else for me to do? I do a mean Mike Ehrmantraut. I am that guy! Get it? ‘Cause Mike said that…? I’ll shut up now.”
Night Classes Saul Teaches at the Local Community College:
-Virtues of Child Poisoning
-To Belize or Not to Belize: The Rise and Fall of the Mayan Civilization in Caracol
-Money Laundering 101
-Dojo Forget About Me: The Basics of Martial Arts
-Old Yeller, Don’t Get Weller, or How to Kill Your Best Friend and/or Dog
-Civil Liberties, American Politics, and Hello Kitty Cellphones
What Beaver, er, Badger sees when he looks in a mirror (thank god he didn’t go with Enterprise).
The first Google result for “untraceable poisons”: a Listverse ranking of “10 Poisons Used To Kill People.” But Marie already knows this — hell, she’s already found the poison she’d use on Walt. Saxitoxin. Often found in puffer fish. Can cause paralytic shellfish poisoning if too much is ingested. U.S. military designated it under Biological Toxins as “TZ.” But again, this isn’t news to Marie; she’s done her homework, not that she’d EVER use it on Walt. Her own private Melfi makes sure of this. He can listen to his client, all dressed in black, tell dirty, deceitful, dangerous tales of what this unknown monster in her and Hank’s life has done to them, to dozens of people, but he can’t advocate his poisoning. That would be morally and legally wrong, and beside, those new parking rules? C’mon! That’s the real tragedy in Marie’s life. (She won’t NOT poison the genius who suggested those *wink wink*.)
I want more like this!
Follow us on Facebook and get the latest before everyone else.