8. Ron Howard as Richie Cunningham (Happy Days)
OK, the Fonz is the obvious choice here, but hear me out: think of the average person who wastes, er, spends their life on the Internet. They’re not the Arthur Fonzarellis of the world; they’re the Richie Cunninghams, the guy who stands next to the stud who can turn on jukeboxes with a hit of their fist. He’s a schemer, someone who has to work hard to get a member of the opposite sex to notice him, unlike his best friend, who can literally whistle and the ladies come a-calling. Plus, he likes milkshakes. I like milkshakes, therefore we’re all Richie C.
9. John Travolta as Vincent “Vinnie” Barbarino (Welcome Back, Kotter)
Take back everything I just said about Richie. Cool guy Vinnie Barbarino GIFs are as good as porn.
10. Dianne Kay as Nancy (Eight Is Enough)
The only correct answer to, “Who’s the best Eight Is Enough kid?” mostly because I can’t remember the personalities of the rest of the Bradford clan, but I do recall loving Nancy when I was a 14-year-old boy who watched far too many Eight Is Enough reruns, for some reason *looks at picture* Oh yeah, that’s why.
11. Erik Estrada and Larry Wilcox as Ponch and Jon (CHiPs)
/is afraid to Google “ponch and jon fan fiction”
12. Catherine Bach as Daisy Duke (The Dukes of Hazzard)
And I quote: “The network censors believed that Daisy’s famous cut-off shorts alone would be too revealing. The shorts were so short that the only way the producers could get them on air was for Catherine Bach to wear flesh-colored pantyhose with them to ensure that the shorts revealed no more of her than intended.” Over five million horndogs bought the Daisy Duke poster, but most impressively, Catherine Bach makes Jessica Simpson at her peak look like Jessica Simpson now.
13. Carroll O’Connor as Archie Bunker (All In the Family)
Jesus. Imagine the think pieces. Every week would be an excuse for Slate to filter their moralistic world views through the words of Archie Bunker, TV’s most lovable bigot. Then the backlash would happen, followed by the backlash to the backlash, which would naturally lead to the Archer/All In the Family Tumblr mash-up (Archer Bunker?). And that’s before Fox News shared their two cents. Maybe it’s for the best Archie happened in the 1970s, when people didn’t go out of their way to be offended. Damn shame, too — since Frasier went off the air, there hasn’t been a TV character who spends most of his day sitting in a chair for me to relate to.
14. Isabel Sanford as Louise Jefferson (The Jeffersons)
Something something funny women something something funny black women something something Kenan Thompson something something what up with that. Anyway, The Cleveland Show getting cancelled by Fox earlier in the year means that there’s not a single current network sitcom led by a black cast. This is wrong and weird for about 40 reasons that aren’t worth stating in the same post where I typed the words “ponch and jon fan fiction,” but clearly, TV is desperate for a black sitcom that doesn’t begin with “Tyler Perry Presents…,” and even more in need of someone like Louise Jefferson.
15. Kate Jackson, Farrah Fawcett-Majors, and Jaclyn Smith as Sabrina, Jill, and Kelly (Charlie’s Angels)
The only question is: which Angel? Trick question: Kelly.
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