State of the Union Address (ABC, CBS, NBC, Fox, Etc., 9 p.m.) — President Obama will say some things, one half of Congress will stand, the other will sit, some talking heads will prattle off some talking points, and someone behind Obama will make a goofy face during the speech that will be GIF’d and go viral by night’s end. DEMOCRACY. Democracy, however, means no New Girl or Brooklyn Nine-Nine tonight. THANKS OBAMA.
Supernatural (CW, 9 p.m.) — What? Sam and Dean Winchester are going directly up against Obama? This is what’s wrong with the CW generation. They don’t understand how Democracy works because they’re too busy watching that Padalecki fella take off his shirt.
Justified (FX, 10 p.m.) — When they should be watching Boyd Crowder take off his shirt (TRAITOR TO AVA!). Obama won’t interrupt Raylan Givens, NO SIR, because Raylan Givens will be sidelined by NO ONE, except maybe Art, but even then, only after a long, exhausting conversation.
Cougar Town (TBS, 10 p.m.) — It’s a pirate-themed episode tonight, and Laurie also bakes risqué cakes to boost business. I think “risqué” is code for booby cakes.
The Kroll Show (Comedy Central, 10:30 p.m.) — In tonight’s episode, Amy Poehler grinds up on her boyfriend, but you don’t have to watch the episode to see that. EW has a preview right here.
LATE NIGHT LISTINGS: Letterman has Eric Stonestreet; Leno has Wanda Sykes; Anna Farris stops by Kimmel, Fallon is joined by his replacement, Seth Meyers; Louis C.K. is on The Daily Show, and Conan has Anna Kendrick in the SECOND POSITION behind Greg Kinnear. Oh, Conan. GET YOUR PRIORITIES STRAIGHT, MAN.
I want more like this!
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