When we last checked in on Justin Bieber’s pet monkey, Mally, it was feared by the Germans to be capable of causing a global pandemic. Now those dastardly Germans are refusing to give the twatty teen heartthrob his pet monkey back.

Reports Fox News:

Mally the Monkey was seized by German customs March 28 when Bieber failed to produce required vaccination and import papers for the animal after landing in Munich. He had until midnight Friday to produce those documents.
Customs spokesman Thomas Meister said after offices opened following a holiday weekend that officials received no documents. He said the customs authority will formally transfer ownership of the animal to the German state on Tuesday.

Bieber will then have six weeks to contest the decision. It wasn’t immediately clear when authorities will make a decision on the monkey’s permanent home.

Now Bieber and Anne Frank really have some stuff in common: both victims of German aggression. She totally would have been a Belieber!

(Pic via Bieber’s Instagram)

If every generation does indeed throw a hero up the pop charts, can we somehow get Tina here on the Billboard Hot-100? The 14-year-old uploaded a video of herself covering Van Halen’s classic instrumental track “Eruption” from their self-titled debut (with a solo so hard, even Eddie Van Halen wishes he “could’ve played it better”) and it’s a dead ringer for the original. Tina doesn’t need Guitar Hero; she is one.

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A few short hours ago, the most consistent band in indie rock ‘n’ roll, the National, who will soon perform at a 19,000-seat arena in downtown Brooklyn, played a surprise set at a bar that doubles as a flower shop. The occasion: the group released their sixth album, Trouble Will Find Me, today, and they’re making the rounds of New York City, stopping at small venues as an early thank you to fans for having Trouble almost assuredly debut in the Billboard top-10. I was at the Ditmas Park-based Sycamore show, because I live in the area and don’t mind showing up at public settings with unwashed hair, an oversized shirt, and a demeanor that screams, “Sure, I drink wine at 12 p.m. on a Tuesday.” I wasn’t alone, and the response to the National was quietly rapturous.

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Doors co-founder and keyboardist Ray Manzarek is dead after a long battle with bile duct cancer. He was 74.

From Rolling Stone:

“I was deeply saddened to hear about the passing of my friend and bandmate Ray Manzarek today,” Doors guitarist Robby Krieger said in a statement. “I’m just glad to have been able to have played Doors songs with him for the last decade. Ray was a huge part of my life and I will always miss him.”

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There are a number of reasons to post this new video for “Go Loko” from New Orleans bounce artist Nicky Da B — most recently seen around these parts collaborating with Diplo — but I think the number one reason is because it probably contains more ass per second than any music video in modern history.

Directed by photographer Clayton Cubitt — the self-proclaimed “Tarantino of tush” who brought you Hysterical Literature — it comes with a seizure warning. So there you go.

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If you thought Miguel drop-kicking a fan was the best thing that happened at the Billboard Music Awards last night, well, you’re probably right. But this is pretty amazing, too: Justin Bieber was booed by his loyal-at-least-until-another-boy-who-looks-like-a-Canadian-lesbian-comes-along fanbase. Or in the immortal words of the sleep-deprived capuchin monkeys who work at TMZ:

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Drake recently shot the video for his new song “No New Friends” and his whacky wardrobe from the behind the scenes photos have become bigger talking points than the songs itself. Read the rest of this entry »

The Billboard Music Awards were a thing of beauty this evening. We had Nicki Minaj lap dances, Prince and Miguel going absolutely ape sh*t during his performance. The “Adorn” singer came out to the stage like a ball of fire and was obviously “turnt up” as the kids say. Read the rest of this entry »

It’s easy to bag on Saturday Night Live for their musical guests, but just as the “SNL isn’t as funny as it used to be” argument is played out and incorrect, history often looks kindly at the artists the show books. Take, for instance, last year: yes, there was the Karmin fiasco and One Direction should never have performed on the same stage that Fear once did and Lana Del Rey hadn’t yet thawed out of her accidental ice shell, but otherwise, solid. Radiohead, the Black Keys, Robyn, Kelly Clarkson, Coldplay, Jack White, the Shins, Arcade Fire, Usher, the Rolling Stones — even if you don’t like a lot of those bands (*coughcoldplaycough*), it’s not as if they were unworthy of performing on SNL.

In a year, when we look back at season 38 of SNL, which ended last night, how many miscues will we count? Justin Bieber, definitely, and probably Macklemore and Ryan Lewis and fun.; otherwise, not too shabby. Rarely spectacular, usually good, briefly awful, not unlike SNL itself. Here are seven of the season’s best performances.

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