A lot of people think that if you want to get back at an ex the best thing to do is to bang their best friend. This is wrong. The best thing to do — if you want to unleash an avalanche of crushing sadness upon them — is to kidnap them and force them to watch Jay Leno monologues on a loop for days. No one who truly knows evil in their heart denies this.

As a thesis, if you will, of how effective Leno is at making people sad, we present to you a supercut by Dane Boaz of Leno making people sad. We rest our case.

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Earlier today, former-SNL cast member Bill Hader (that feels wrong to type) spoke to Howard Stern on his Howard 100 radio show about what life’s like as an unemployed man without a Studio 8H to call his own. Stern’s a big fan of Hader — he once said that “Puppet Class” is one of SNL‘s all-time great sketches — but he did admit that he was surprised how funny Justin Timberlake was during his March episode. Hader sang JT’s praises, too, saying, “He’s great…Also, guy doesn’t show up with anybody. It’s just him.” Unlike a certain other pop star named Justin.

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As you may have noticed by glancing at every post on every single website on the Internet over the past week or so, people are a little excited about the new season of Arrested Development. And with Netflix dropping all 15 episodes this Sunday at 12:01 AM, on a holiday weekend, there’s going to be a lot of temptation and pressure to take all of that content and shove it into your eyes as fast as you can. But series creator Mitch Hurwitz thinks it would be better if you, like, didn’t do that.

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This is one of the stupidest stories I’ve ever covered, but it’s not every day a prominent group of fuddy-duddies calls for the revolution of the entire cable industry because a pop star drank her own pee, so you know, here we are I suppose.

In a letter to supporters Tuesday, the PTC warned against watching Ke$ha: My Crazy Beautiful Life and its “disgusting, vile content.” It also called on cable providers to allow subscribers the option of choosing which channels they receive.

“Why should we have to pay for this kind of garbage just so we can get access to Discovery, Disney, or the Golf channel? It’s outrageous — and it shouldn’t be that way,” reads the letter. [Billboard]

Two things about this blockquote:

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Nothing on Arrested Development was accidental. Every line, every background poster, every blue smudge was meant to be there. It was a show for the Internet before we realized that the Internet could be used to track Tobias’s homoerotic comments. Yesterday, Dustin brought you 25 of AD‘s best blink-and-you’ll-miss-it gags, and today, as a semi-companion piece, I’ve collected some of the show’s most obscure, lightning fast pop culture references.

Again, remember that nearly everything on AD was a reference to something, so nothing should considered coincidental. (Also, I’ve excluded obvious examples, like the Peanuts motif from “Good Grief.”) Taste the references.

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My thought’s on CBS’s web video practices are well documented. Short version: Killing them with fire might improve them. Not only was their proprietary video player developed on one of those computers you can only play a floppy disk of Oregon Trail on, they get clips up with about as much urgency as their sitcom writers think up original jokes.

So of course Zach Galifianakis’s wonderful segment on Ferguson last night has not been uploaded yet (not to mention Jason Bateman on Letterman), but thankfully YouTuber Craig Ferguson Fan is well aware of CBS’s deficiencies and has taken it upon himself to right wrongs on a grassroots level.

SOOOOO — getting back to why we’re here — homeless old lady helper Zach met Craig for the first time last night when he dropped by to promote Hangover 3 and the two telepathically agreed to just comedy improv the whole damn thing and create ten minutes of delightfulness for CBS to not share with the internet. Highlights include imaginary body hair tweets, breast mimicking, and The Crime Gypsies of Epcot. You will not be disappointed.

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A few months ago, after ABC canceled Don’t Trust the B—- in Apt 23, I don’t think we ever properly mourned its passing. Maybe we were too concerned over the fate of Happy Endings (also canceled, and sadly, unlikely to be picked up by the USA Network, at this point) to give it an appropriate send-off. Nevertheless, the loss of one of network television’s few remaining bright spots still stings: it was funny, it was self-referential, and it was endearing.

The good news is, the remaining episodes of the series are still available on ABC.com through June 2nd. The bad news, for fans of the cast, is that while James Van Der Beek had his new series picked up, it’s on CBS (so, don’t expect much, especially as it’s likely a mid-season replacement) and Krysten Ritter’s new series was not picked up by NBC (although, it may be retooled).

All of which is to say, Don’t Trust the B—- in Apt. 23 is gone, but it’s not forgotten. To memorialize its passing,
let’s take a quick look back at Krysten Ritter’s 25 Brightest and Shiniest Moments, mostly in GIF form. R.I.P. Don’t Trust the B.

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If you’ve paid any attention to Aziz Ansari’s late night appearances over the years you know that he pretty much uses them as an opportunity to work on his stand-up material — and then occasionally mentions whatever he is plugging at the moment. Last night’s appearance on Fallon was no different, except that his opening material hit home hard with a certain not-as-cool-as-they-used-to-be demographic.

As someone on the other side of thirty himself, I often look back on my twenties and think about how much time I wasted while simultaneously reminding myself how astonished the twenty-something version of me would be with all the things the current model is done with. I imagine I’m not alone here. And now we can add recently turned 30 year-old Aziz Ansari to our lameass ranks. This first bit on his evolving perception of staying out late is us in a microcosm.

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Where Fox News wants its viewers to fear almighty God, CNN wants theirs to thank Him (or Her, but c’mon). Yesterday, while interviewing Oklahoma tornado survivor Rebecca Vitsmun, with literal broken homes filling the background, Jars of Clay superfan Wolf Blitzer said, “We’re happy you’re here. You guys did a great job. You’ve gotta thank the Lord, right? Do you thank the Lord for that split-second decision?” Vitsmun’s response: “I…I’m actually an atheist.” If you look closely, you can actually pin-point the second when Wolf’s heart rips in half.

This…is CNNew Testament.

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