A lot of people think that if you want to get back at an ex the best thing to do is to bang their best friend. This is wrong. The best thing to do — if you want to unleash an avalanche of crushing sadness upon them — is to kidnap them and force them to watch Jay Leno monologues on a loop for days. No one who truly knows evil in their heart denies this.
As a thesis, if you will, of how effective Leno is at making people sad, we present to you a supercut by Dane Boaz of Leno making people sad. We rest our case.
Soon or later, Zoolander 2 is going to happen. It’s debatable whether a sequel to a comedy that came out 12 years later should be made, just so Ben Stiller can pay for a peeing-only bathroom, but there’s one thing we can all agree on: the movie NEEDS to star Ahmed Angel, the so-called “most beautiful man in the world.”
Angel is an Iraqi male model who the IBT describes as a “perfectly-coiffed, impeccably groomed, and ultra-mysterious social media presence, who may or may not be real.” I, for one, choose to believe he’s real — people don’t think God’s real, either, unless they’re one and the same… — because, I mean, just look at his Facebook.
Might as well get used to seeing Angel’s face now; he’s going to Blue Steel Zoolander 2 away from Stiller.
Breaking news. We found the only person in the world who doesn’t love Internet god Bill Murray: a baby, a baby who’s probably related to Jon Snow because he knows nothing. Earlier in the week, “Laura R.” from Scotland submitted a photo of her child to Reasons My Son is Crying, with the simple caption, “He met Bill Murray.”
Murray, of course, had the perfect response. Hey, he’s worked with Dan Aykroyd — he’s used to dealing with babies.
Airbnb is a service largely popular among tourists, as well as the occasional prostitute, looking for a place to crash in New York City (and many other places as well) who don’t want to pay exorbitant rates to stay at a hotel. Unfortunately, New York courts have decided it’s better for you to stay in a motel on Long Island than in a stranger’s home. Read the rest of this entry »
Giving unpleasant associations to the words “ghosts” and “busting,” a 28-year-old woman pleaded guilty to five counts of sexual intercourse with a young person, after her husband, who had set up a camera to film “paranormal activity,” instead recorded her and his underage son getting friendly together. Reports the Mercury:
I believe it was the great philosopher Dustin Diamond, aka Screech, who once said, “I’m a shepherd, not a sheep, and I’ve always prided myself on being a leader and not a follower.”
Obviously, the sheep in the video embedded above is a disciple of Dustin Diamond and his revolutionary philosophies, as he’s just not willing to follow along with the rest of the herd — and neither should you. In fact, you should just get up and walk out of your office right now to head open to a local for a cold Corona Light. It’s starting to get hot outside, after all, and one must hydrate! Let this courageous sheep be your guide and inspiration, your spirit animal, if you will.
Back in my day, a man who accidentally tweeted out a pic of his dong to a woman who wasn’t his wife was committing political suicide. But here we are, less than two years after Anthony Weiner resigned from his seat in Congress in disgrace, and here he is announcing that he’s running for mayor of New York. (This on the heels of former South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford running for Congress just a few short years after literally disappearing in office and taking taxpayer funded trips to Argentina to visit his mistress.)
So yeah, Anthony Weiner is running to be mayor of New York City AND His hot wife Huma even makes an appearance in the video. And you know what…his message does resonate! NYC’s middle class is disappearing and it’s becoming a city for rich people exclusively. But, yeah, PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS!!!
“Look, I made some big mistakes. And I know I let a lot of people down,” Weiner says in the video. “But I’ve also learned some tough lessons. I’m running for mayor ‘cuz I’ve been fighting for the middle class and those struggling to make it my entire life. And I hope I get a second chance to work for you.”
I’m both dreading and looking forward to the penis pun-y headlines in the New York Post for months to come.
It’s still weird to see Eric Stonestreet in real life and not wearing button-down shirts with paisley cuffs. But alas, here he was telling Jay Leno about his life that he totally has when he’s not on Modern Family (again, it’s weird he has one).
Not gonna lie, I was skeptical about how good another Superman movie would be mostly because Superman as a character is just so hard to relate to and build a compelling story around. He basically has every power ever and the crappiest rogues gallery around. I mean, his main villain is essentially Donald Trump. So no matter how great a movie looks, I found it hard to get into a Supes flick.
Well color me wrong as hell. Man Of Steel looks like it’s going to kick ass, steal lunch money and not ask for forgiveness. This trailer is called “Fate Of Your Planet” and it’s narrated by Zod. Who beats the dog urine out of Superman, which is nice to watch. If this movie isn’t one of the 23 best flicks of all time, it’ll be a letdown. Seriously, this looks epic in every way possible.
