Washington D.C. is probably my favorite city in America aside from my birthplace of St. Louis and my hometown of Awesomeville (Population: 1), and the reason is that I have a great fondness for American history and mayors who smoke crack. Unfortunately, I only get to go every few years for my fantasy football league’s draft. Even more unfortunate is that Jon Stewart is hosting the Rally to Restore Sanity on October 30 in our nation’s capital and I, of course, can’t make the trip. My reason? I’m on parole for killing a man. Or I can’t afford it. Pick the one that sounds manlier.
But if you’re like me and you can’t attend, despite your intense desire to witness one of the greatest political satire events of our lifetime, there’s great news on the horizon. Fans of Stewart and Stephen Colbert, who is also hosting the March to Keep Fear Alive that same day, will most likely be able to watch the event with a few thousand of their closest friends. People in cities across the globe are organizing watch parties for the two satirical “feuding” rallies and Facebook event invites are telling us that attendance figures for the live events are higher than 200,000 people right now, while watch parties are registering in the mid-thousands. Not as successful, though, is my watch party for Carlos Mencia’s Walk For the Rallying to Restore Fearsanity. So far it’s just me and Joe Rogan.
Not surprisingly, hotel rooms in D.C. are becoming tougher to come by as the event nears. The webmaster for WashingtonDCHotels.com is reporting that bookings are up almost 25% against Fox News talking head Glenn Beck’s August rally, of which the Stewart/Colbert rallies are mocking. Regardless of that bold claim, rooms are available on travel sites like Priceline for as low as $53 per night and as high as $849. Or if you’re feeling up to a challenge, you can stay with my uncle Clem, as long as you’re willing to play his favorite game – Does This Fit?
Finally, one of the biggest complaints about Beck’s rally – from a purely non-political standpoint, of course – was that the attendees left a great deal of trash on the National Mall lawn. To make sure that they don’t face the same criticism, Stewart and Colbert have agreed to donate the proceeds of all rally merchandise to the Trust for the National Mall. Merchandise is available at the official site and I already picked up one of the “I’m With Reasonable” t-shirts. That way I won’t feel so bad the next time I pass out in the bushes after challenging Georgetown students to Jager bomb contests.
- Here’s today’s good news and bad news. The good news is that people who work for the 35 largest U.S. banks, hedge funds and investment firms on Wall Street are receiving salaries and bonuses of more than $144 billion this year. The bad news is that they’re not hiring. (MSNBC)
- According to the Bible and Nostradamus, we’re less than a month away from World War III. Nostradamus predicted both WWI and WWII, so you know it’s legit. Who will be involved? I’m looking at you, French Guiana. (The Canadian)
KNOW YOUR STATS
- Despite its much more grandiose name, the Million Man March in 1995 actually only featured about 837,000 African American males, according to a study conducted by nerds at Boston University. That’s only a few hundred less than Kim Kardashian’s bedroom. (Boston University)
- Glenn Beck claims that his August rally in Washington D.C. was attended by as many as 500,000 people. Other estimates have the attendance between 200,000 and 300,000 people. However, an independent firm has put the number closer to 87,000. Do I hear 50,000? How about 40,000? (Providing News)
I want more like this!
Follow us on Facebook and get the latest before everyone else.