In the old days of Hollywood, a star with a crush on another star would have their publicist contact their crush’s publicist and the two publicists would arrange a date for the two at the Palm or some place similarly swanky. In other words, the star would have his people contact her people to arrange a meeting.
But now there’s the internet and stars now have an array of tools, as we all do, to interact with anyone, including other stars, in an instant. So if it’s late at night and an aging star — let’s call him Jim Carrey — is feeling lonely and longing for the embrace of a much younger, nubile star — let’s call her Emma Stone — there’s nothing stopping him from making a sorry spectacle of himself, as long as he has a functioning computer and an internet connection.
I just wanted to let you know that I think you’re all the way beautiful. Not just pretty, but, you know, smart and kindhearted. And if I were a lot younger, I would marry you, and we would have chubby little freckled faced kids. We’d laugh all day long and go camping and play Yahtzee and tell ghost stories by the fire. And the sex? (Unsettling pause)
Everyday for the rest of your life, you would thank God that I was the appropriate age for you. But I’m not. I’m 49. I have lines on my face, sometimes a little grey in my beard, and it takes me a little longer to pee than it used to. Those are the only discernible signs of aging that I can find so far. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know how I felt. You’re pretty special, and I wish you continued success and artistic fulfillment, but most of all, I wish you love and contentment. That’s all.
There’s always the possibility that this is all a publicity stunt of sorts, maybe one to bring attention to Carrey’s new website, where the video was posted, but I’m not so sure. In the past celebrities had walls of cooler-headed PR professionals to save them from making public spectacles of themselves. This, I suspect, is but one of a many future bits of unfiltered weirdness from famous people we’ll see in the coming years. But really, who could blame Jim Carrey for wanting to cuddle with Emma Stone? I surely can’t.
I want more like this!
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