Did the month of August, with its earthquakes and hurricanes, bring modesty and self-reflection to Faceboo-oh who are we kidding? Of course not! Here’s the latest and the greatest from the worst Facebook has to offer.
Well, at least he’s not named Adolf.
Well, on the bright side, it sounds like you managed to navigate your first major challenge, getting through a class while high, done with flying colors.
See, this is why it’s vitally important to hold your deathmatches well away from populated areas. Some camper manages to set off an earthquake and then all of Facebook hears about it.
“Although he might kill himself out of depression after reading your attention whoring post. Or maybe out of spite.”
Dude, we’re not really sure an earthquake that caused no fatalities and barely any injuries qualifies as a “warning from God”. God doesn’t usually play nice when he’s warning people. He tends to wreck your s***.
And the award for the man who can never masturbate again goes to…
And soon after this, grandma’s computer was taken away and she was sent to a home, where her children never visited her. Be warned, crappy Facebook parents!
…Does it count against your final grade?
We’re sad about it, too, Linzi. You getting killed and eaten for trying to pet the big-toothed kitties is a gift of comedy forever denied to us by nature. Not to mention that whole natural selection thing. Linzi? What’s wrong with Lindsay? Was it not retarded enough?
And we’re sure you’ll be doing a lot of that, after every female in your social circle sees that comment.
Look, buddy, choose one tactic. Being passive aggressive AND gloating about your penis do not mix and match. If you say to a girl “you probably wouldn’t want to touch my penis anyway”, she’s going to agree with you and not touch your penis. Get with the program.
That’s nice, honey, but not all of us are scared of black people.
Part of me wonders how these retarded repost things get started. Sure, they’re like the social media version of the common cold, but somebody has to write them. A human being had to sit down, think of something they thought people would want to read, and wrote it out, then took the time to post it. This is what we do with our advanced intelligence, as a species.
“Maury slut”…best modern insult ever conceived. I plan to use it on the freeway tomorrow.
I’ll take “Why it’s awkward not to read somebody’s statuses before commenting angrily” for $200, Alex.
Our educational system has failed us.
I’ve seen more complex characters in Bazooka Joe comics.
We’re assuming this is a joke that spiraled out of control. At least we really, really hope so.
Thought: if you have to extort your kid into being your friend on Facebook, maybe you really don’t want to see his Facebook page.
Remember when boiling the suede to properly salt the water. Otherwise it’s a tough, chewy mess.
We’re glad she didn’t give up the tradesman’s entrance for some pizza, but we are wondered why, exactly, her boyfriend thought he could get up her rear using a slice of pizza as a bribe.
“Suckers. I’m making $11,000! A YEAR!”
That’s it for this month! As always, thanks to Lamebook and Failbook for crowdsourcing these disasters. And remember, Facebook safely or all in all you’re another d*ck on someone’s Wall.