Every now and then I’m reminded of how fortunate I am to work from home and not in an office. Like recently when I ran across a copy of a note I’d left in an office I worked in back in 2007-2008 in response to always going to the office coffee machine to find it empty. It read:
TO THE AS$HOLES WHO TAKE THE LAST CUP OF COFFEE FROM THE POT: MAKE A NEW POT, AS$HOLES. IT’S AN AUTOMATIC MACHINE AND IT ONLY TAKES A FEW SECONDS OF YOUR TIME, AS$HOLES. LOVE, AN AS$HOLE.
Management at the place I worked at the time made big stink about the note at the time, and I was the main suspect, but they could never pin it on me. As$holes.
But when you’re the boss you don’t have to worry about management firing you over your angry office kitchen notes. Even better, you can threaten to fire whoever it is that’s pissing you off, just like this guy at a New Jersey PR firm did the other day when the milk in the office fridge wasn’t replenished.
From: Keith Zakheim
Date: September 27, 2011 8:20:21 AM EDT
To: Beckerman Staff
Subject: I don’t know what else to do…
I have repeatedly requested until I am blue in the face that the person that finishes the milk must replace the milk. Its not complicated and is a simple sign of respect for fellow employees.
So, imagine my chagrin this morning when I stumbled in at 715 after enduring a typically painful Redskins loss and in dire need of a shot of caffeine, only to find that the skim milk in the refrigerator had three drops of milk left. Literally 3 drops, an amount that would maybe fill the tummy of a prematurely born mouse. The person that did this is either incredibly lazy, obnoxiously selfish or woefully devoid of intelligence – 3 traits that are consistent with the profile of FORMER Beckerman employees.
As you can tell from the tenor of this email, I am not happy and at my wits end. Allyne, Ilhwa, and I have repeatedly beseeched you to replace the supplies that you consume – whether its pencils, paper, or MILK. This costs you nothing – I pay for it! Yet, it is still repeatedly ignored.
So, I am gravely serious when I write this – if I catch someone not replacing the milk, or at least, in the case where the downstairs store has close already, not sending an email to the office so the first person that arrives (usually Christa or me) can pick one up upon arrival – then I am going to fire you. Im not joking. You will be fired for not replacing the milk, and have fun explaining that one to your next employer. This is not a empty threat so PLEASE don’t test me.
99% of this office consists of great people that work hard, treat their employes with respect, and understand that they are part of something that is bigger than them. However, there seems to be a small element that doesn’t understand this. So its time that they do or else they should start refreshing their resume.
For those of you who have worked for me for years, you know this is not my style so PLEASE take this seriously!
Thank you for your cooperation.
KEITH ZAKHEIM | CEO
I hate to see how mad he is when there’s no toilet paper in the handicap stall!