Overheard in a douchey Vegas club last night…
Dude 1: Bro, this place is poppin’ off. This is exactly the type of place Tom Haverford and Jean Ralphio would be get their models and bottles on.
Dude 2: For real. I mean, I bet they got like secret rooms and sh*t where the ballas take girls to do lines and bequeath pearl necklaces on them and HOLY PAWNEE THERE’S AZIZ ANSARI!
Dude 1: OMG Aziz, what’s up man? Me and my boy are huge fans!
Fake Aziz: I call eggs “pre-birds” or “future birds.”
Dude 2: Oh man it really is you! You really are Aziz, right? We so want to believe!
Fake Aziz: I call forks “food rakes.”
Dude 1: OOOOOH, it’s really him, yo! Aziz, isn’t this place so Entertainment 720?
Fake Aziz: There’s a whole room on the fourth floor where they store the knives they’ve confiscated from people who went to the fourth floor to stab someone. It’s where dreams come to come true.
Dude 2: Dude, can we get a picture with you?
Fake Aziz: Sure, but after that we’re donezo. Gotta go wash down some “chickie chickie parm parm” with a few “Punky Brewsters,” you feel me?
Dude 1: Oh snap! You are so Aziz, Aziz!
Dude 2: Totally. This pic of us with Aziz is going up on Twitter faster than Jerry craps his pants after eating a meal of Moo Pies and Butter Boats!