Overheard recently in a dark bedroom in the heart of Appalachia, where Mountain Dew is a best friend to man but a worst enemy to dental profiles…
Man I’m feeling pretty low. My parents are jerks. Little Ashlee McMoistbits won’t give me the time of day at school. I should just end it all. Yeah, that’s what I’ll do! I’ll just take a bunch of my mom’s Ambien and drift on into a long sleep. Yes, I’m totally going to do that.
But I should tell someone first, right? Maybe I’m crazy, you know, and haven’t thought this through enough. Yeah, I should do that. But who should I tell? Who should I confide my deepest, darkest inner turmoil to in this time of crisis? Certainly there’s someone out there I can tell who will understand my situation and give it to me straight. Oh, I know — I’ll post it on Mountain Dew’s Facebook page! DUH! How come I didn’t think of that in the first place?
Not to make light of suicide, but Jesus Christ people are stupid. That guy should just do us all a favor and…nevermind.
(HT: Daily What)