More than 86,000 people currently follow Courtney Stodden on Twitter, and I’m confident that less than a handful of them could tell me why she’s actually famous. But that’s the beauty of celebrity these days – it’s all about shock value over talent. And what’s more shocking than a 16-year old girl with bleach blonde hair and the body of a centerfold becoming the third wife of a 51-year old actor?
That’s the basic background of Stodden’s rise to mediocrity. Currently 17, Stodden aspires to be a huge music star, as she hails from Nashville and she’s already displayed her, um, talent in the music video for her song, “Don’t Put it on Me.” And that’s pretty much all we know about her, other than she likes to wear miniskirts while she shops for books, and she jogs in high heels.
As for her Twitter, it’s one of the most unintentionally hilarious accounts in existence. (And if it is intentional, then I tip my cap to Stodden for being this generation’s Andy Kaufman.) Here are some of her latest nuggets of wisdom:
Daringly dipped in nothing but translucent stockings as the heat of the fire stimulates a very sultry fantasy of mine...
While hardcore hits dominate my every move - I suddenly strip - & jump on top of a sexy sports car as I begin to wash it uncontrollably!
Flaunting very flirty flight attendant attire tonight -- Are you ready to fly first-class?
Slowly slipping into an elegant evening gown, sumptuous stiletto slippers & dazzling diamonds as I anticipate this sexy Sunday evening. XOs
She’s like the result of a merger between Penthouse and Reader’s Digest, except much, much creepier, seeing as she’s only 17-years old.
Thankfully, we’re not alone in appreciating how incredibly creepy and random Stodden’s Tweets are. While there was already one delightful Tumblr celebrating Stodden’s Tweets (the hilarious “Pugs with Courtney Stodden Tweets”) we now have a new favorite in the simply named “Courtney Stodden Tweets Drawn.”
I don’t know much about the Tumblr page’s author, but his doodles of her delusions are fantastic. I've assembled a few in a gallery for your entertainment. Enjoy.
























Wow, are these really her tweets? I have never wanted to punch someone so badly in my entire life.
I honestly don’t see how anyone can follow her. Occasionally, someone I follow will retweet her and I’m immediately inclined to go find a baby to punch.
Oh, you’re just jealous that you’ve never uncontrollably washed an automobile. I know I am.
I hope her New Year’s resolution was more alliteration, because these tweets are seriously lacking.
Alliteration has never been so sexy!
Goddamn auto-correct, I meant stupid. It’s mind-numbingly stupid.
SNL at it’s best couldn’t have come up with her.
Where can I get some desirous dirt?!? The dirt around my house is, at best, aloof — it has shown no interest in me in years.
/That woman is deranged
//Derangement would, in fact, explain quite a lot.
She’s an alliterative genius! And she used “sensual” vs “sensuous” properly. Mrs. Wormer would be so proud.
I think I’m tempted to thrust my throbbing tubesteak into this vamp’s un-virginal vagina that’s vandalized with various venereal viruses.
I couldn’t tolerate a 16 year-old daughter if I were 51, much less f*cking 16 year-old WIFE. Hell, I couldn’t tolerate to be in a room with a 16 year-old girl right now, much less f*cking 25 years from now.
Seconded.
She’s the anti Danny Almonte. I refuse to believe she’s not a milfy 40 year-old trying to convince the world otherwise.
Wow, this is for reals? Im going to jump off an 80 story building now, thanks.
I wish we could get 49ers fans to Tweet her death threats instead. }}:>(
17 going on 39.
it’s like she’s filling out horny mad-libs for retards.
[www.youtube.com]
some one take away this girls thesaurus