In the event you don’t have anything to do today — or are just too hungover to pull yourself up from your bed or your sofa, like me presently — there are worst ways to spend a day of leisure than by watching the speeches Jimmy Kimmel and President Obama delivered last night at the White House Correspondents Dinner. Kimmel absolutely destroyed with lines like these…
“Remember when the country rallied around you in hope for a better tomorrow? That was a good one.”
“This is how you know the country’s in bad shape. The president is starving. North Korea is sending him food aid.”
“There’s a term for guys like President. Probably not two terms.”
“The president wanted to move it to the Kennedy Center, and the Republicans wanted to keep it at the Hilton. So, they compromised and here we are at the Hilton.”
Not to be outdone, Obama got in a few good slams himself…
“Four years ago, I was locked in a brutal primary battle with Hillary Clinton. Four years later she won’t stop drunk-texting me from Cartegana.”
“Here we are in this vast magnificent Hilton ballroom, what Mitt Romney would call a fixer upper.”
“Last year at this time, this very weekend, we finally delivered justice to one of the world’s most notorious individuals… (photo of Donald Trump goes up)”
Watch them both below…