FYI, the sheep represents the Beliebers and the fisherman represents Drew in this GIF.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned today, it’s this: NEVER do a Facebook or Twitter search for “Justin Bieber.” Your feed will drown in an overflowing cesspool of RTs, “Follow Me”s, and delusional, hopeless adoration for an 18-year-old “swaggy bro.”
Today, all the “Beliebers,” as they’re known, are discussing/babbling/whining about Big Daddy Drew’s outstanding GQ profile of their boy hero. Well, actually, most are linking to the videos of Bieber on GQ’s website, but SOME are talking about his article – and they don’t like it. Let’s just say that there’s a lot of this out there…
But really, who hasn’t wanted to punch Drew in the face at some point? Remember that anti-Charlie Brown screed he wrote for Deadspin? HERESY!
Anyway, there’s one anti-Drew comment I found out there that rises above the rest. It’s hilariously cruel, filled with tons of misspellings and grammatical errors, and it threatens Drew’s life. In other words, it’s the perfect Belieber Facebook rant! It comes from “Belieb in JB and Selly G,” and reads…
I dunno about JB, but JK believes in you, Selly G. “Find your ass and cut your dick off” is pure poetry, bitch.
(GIF via)
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That Facebook screenshot needs a few dicks drawn on it. You know, the Official Justin Bieber Stamp of Approval.
If Drew really had any pull now that he’s a big-shot author/GQ writer, he’d call up Sexy Rexy for a full on “HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIN, BOYS?” session with the Biebs.
It really was a great piece, though.
how can I get uproxx to send me to england so I can talk shit about pixie lott
Generally speaking, whenever I put my two cents in, I have the sense to use a dollar’s worth of punctuation, capitalization, and grammar to emphasize my point “just in” case someone else needs to make sense of what I have written. One day I too will get paid more than two cents for my skills like JK at GQ because we have the sense to know how to communicate. If you don’t belieb me, just get off JB’s dick long enough to read a book about the mechanics of grammar. Oh yeah and SIMMA DOWN NOW Belieb in JB and Selly G, we all have assholes and opinions so that shit can continue in the world.
The next name of my garage punk band…Bitchy two sence
Anyone else long for the days when JB stood for either the Jungle Brothers or a mediocre buffet?
By that you mean either Golden Corral (and the chocolate waterfall) or hearing “Margaritaville” at the Iowa State Fair, right?
I am with you on the Jungle Brothers. Unless of course you wana go back to James Brown’s band.
Jim Beam.
I wish i could travel in time to the future and see a 40 year old entitled and self-aggrandizing former child star getting a dry blowjob in a Red Lobster bathroom. You know what I’d say? “Take it to the stall, you crazy people. I gotta wash my hands.”
That kid writing the facebook post might not have much in the ways of taste in music, grammar, or spelling, but that fucker sure does now how to close out a rant.
I like to call Drew’s GQ piece “Poop Lemonade” because he was given complete shit to work with, and…well, you know the rest.
You know they should put that Bieber feller in Twilight, just get all of the wrong in one place.
What I’m worried about is that these kids won’t actually grow out of it.
Justin Bieber’s hair causes lazy eye.
[www.longislandpress.com]
What’s really crazy is the correct usage of “connotation”.
“Drew sure know how to bring it out of people, don’t he?” – Omar Little
Wow that rant is amazing! Too bad the page was deleted unexpectedly along with my personal account.
I thank you all for the awesome comments you have left on my rant, even though they weren’t nice, and I appreciate the article which has awarded my rant the title of “Greatest Comment From A Belieber About Drew Magary’s Justin Bieber Profile For GQ”.
I do know how to use proper grammar and punctuation, but I was in a rush and I was just trying to get my thought and opinion out. Also, I would like to thank AB for noticing my amazing skills for closing out a rant.