Back when I first moved to New York, there was a clothing store on the Lower East Side called Some Odd Rubies that was owned by Summer Phoenix, the sister of River and Joaquin, and Odessa Whitmire, Ben Affleck's former personal assistant who also happened to be Matt Damon's girlfriend at the time. There was a bench outside the store on the sidewalk, and often when I'd walk by Ben Affleck would be sittin' out there, chillin', conversing with the girls -- who I'd become friendly with since they were in the hood -- and whatnot. But for the longest time I never said anything to Ben or introduced myself, because that would have been uncool, nor did he ever make a move to acknowledge me.
Then one night I went to see this play being staged in a small theater near my apartment at the time called Matt and Ben, the synopsis of which went like this: Matt Damon and Ben Affleck are a couple of dudebro actors living in a crappy apartment when one day an amazing movie script -- Good Will Hunting -- falls from the sky and into their laps and their lives are forever changed. The play was written and performed by two girls, one named Brenda Withers, who played Matt, and the other was a then-unknown Mindy Kaling, who played Affleck.
So one day after I'd seen the play I walked by Some Odd Rubies and Affleck was sitting outside talking to Summer and Odessa. I stopped for a sec to say hi to the girls and decided that asking Ben if he'd seen Matt and Ben yet would be the perfect way to finally break the ice between he and I.
"No, I haven't," he snarled, flashing me a look that could have emotionally maimed a lesser man for at least 72 hours. "Do you perform comedy anywhere else or just out here on the street?"
Anyway, that's the story of my relationship with Ben Affleck. FYI, he's on Twitter now, and naturally some Twitter users had some things to say about it.
(Pic via Playbill.com)
Sorry, I couldn't help myself.