As we told you earlier, if you read Newsweek — and Allah help you if you do — then you already know that we, as Simple Americans, should prepare to FEEL THE RAGE OF ANGRY MUSLIMS WHO ARE ANGRY AT ALL TIMES. Because, obviously, every Muslim ever is hella pissed right now, as Gawker so helpfully pointed out.
Point is: Newsweek is America's #1 magazine for trolls, and they're getting rightfully torn apart for their bold-faced (lie of a) cover. For decades now, they've been setting the standard for hilariously alarmist covers, perfect for the terrified Mr. and Mrs. Notajew living in America, USA. Here's some of their finest work through the years.
YOU KNOW THAT SINGLE COOKIE YOU GAVE YOUR KID? BETTER START DIGGING THEIR COMICALLY OVERSIZED DITCH FOR THEIR BLOATED, DIABETES-RIDDEN CORPSE NOW. (Via)
TV IS TURNING YOU INTO THE HUMAN BEING EQUIVALENT OF A THIRD-GENERATION SPAWN OF A INCESTUOUS FAMILY OF BLOB FISH. (Via)
THE NATION'S LARGEST RIVER IS NOTHING MORE THAN A TOXIC SLUDGE POND WHERE MUTATED FISH-LIKE CREATURES 69 EACH OTHER CONSTANTLY. (Via)
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![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/time-mag-150x150.jpg)
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Omg. 3 & 12 are amazing. Also glad you included the last one.
“The Next Speilberg”…. no one saw the twist coming there, amirite?
Actually the Twist occurs when the magazine pulls its cover off and reveals its actually an issue of TIME.
If they weren’t being ignorantly sincere, all of these covers would be brilliant satire.
So true
It reminded me so much of The Onion’s Magazine.
#16 made me pee a little.
People in the sixties seemed like an accepting bunch.
#8 is the real nuts: nuclear meltdowns and shit, and (cherry on top, LITERALLY!), top of the page asks:
HOW IGNORANT ARE YOU?
A lot more after this…
Well, how long CAN the Jap “take it”?
Based on the date of that cover: 2 weeks.
That awful iCrazy cover came out THIS YEAR. My god that is a hideous looking cover.
There’s a typo on #14. Should be “How wrong can he take it”.
the fat baby with fries– [cdn.uproxx.com] is hardly alarmist or funny. son over half the population will be obese and it does begin at birth. no, they are not big-boned, they’re pigs stuffing their faces with unhealthy food the same as their dumbass parents.