NOTE TO EVERYONE: if you Google “50 cent masturbation,” do NOT click on Google Images accidentally. ANYWAY, in my mind, 50 Cent saw The Master, didn’t approve of its frequent masturbation scenes, and then took to Twitter to explain to his 7.8 million followers, or approximately the amount of money Righteous Kill made, why he’s practicing abstinence now. In reality, well, who the hell knows? Yesterday, apropos of nothing, 50 Cent tweeted, “I’m practicing abstinence women = confusion I don’t need right now.SMSaudio,” followed by, “Masturbation is a sin you stop right now fool!!! lol God is watching you#SMS,” which is both an attempt to get you to stop playing with your doodle and an unneccesary plug to his brand of crappy headphones.
Then he gave his “step[s] to stop masturbating.” Take notes, everyone.
Step #5. Buy my headphones. Step #6. Think of this photo.
CURED.
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Does 50 Cent know people stopped visiting porn sites after 2005? Shhh, don’t tell him!
They did? No one goes to The Hun anymore!?
Does #SMS mean “Stroking My Shaft”?
Next he’ll expect us to stop laughing at celebrities.
50 Needs to stick to music. Next thing he probably mention is either the need to recycle or to stop drinking and driving…. not so gansta anymo huh fitycent…
Wow, I severely misunderstood his song ‘Wanksta’.
What about not touching your dick…..??
…..or sleeping near pillows..
or watermelon…
or tube socks…
I’d like to see 50 Cent try to stop Louis CK from masturbating.
Wait, don’t take that literally…