Let Us Now Pause To Remember The Plight Of Martha Stewart

Hey you. Yes you, person feeling sorry for yourself because Hurricane Sandy has had a profound impact on your life. Oh, so your power came back on but you’re still without heat, you say? Awww…poor baby. It’s getting cold at night, you say? Awwww…I bet your wittle toes are fweezing when you’re trying to sleep at night, aren’t they? WELL, SUCK IT UP, LOSERS!

At least you’re not being kept up at night by the constant humming of the generators needed to power your estate, not to mention bankrupted by price-gouging oil companies, like Queen Martha over here…

You people disgust me. Think of poor Martha Stewart the next time you feel compelled to whine, won’t you? How is a person supposed to make doilies under these conditions?!