Ah, handjobs, the character actors of the sex world (“Sex World”? I thought they closed that place down). They’re good, sure, but you never really want one because you know other, better sexual acts are out there. But 2012 was a big year for every middle school male’s ultimate conquest — Amy Adams gave one to Philip Seymour Hoffman in The Master, as did Laura Linney to Bill Murray in Hyde Park on Hudson. Both were very uncomfortable.
Funny or Die thought it time to respect the knuckle shuffle, though, so they put together an Oscar for Best Handjob, which ought to replace Best Makeup and Hairstyling as a televised award. Both are disappointing, but at least you know why you’re disappointed with a Dong Valdong.
Oscar's Best Handjob Award – watch more funny videos
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I would have given it to Amy Adams. That poor girl had to give it to Philip Seymour Hoffman. She deserved an award for that.
Plus it being a standing handy added to the degree of difficulty.
That’s not fair, Stewart had double the odds… It’s like Modern Family at the Emmy’s
One hand is Team Jacob, the other hand is Team Edward.
K-Stew should get a lifetime achievement award at this point.
The Emmys should consider this category. It’s the only way Jennifer Love Hewitt will win one. Who am I kidding, she’ll probably lose to Elizabeth Moss.