The main problem I’ve always had with A Christmas Carol, both the original novella and its thousands of adaptions, is that there aren’t enough references to Scrooge’s erect penis. I mean, Charles DICKens clearly had boners on the mind 24/7, but unlike David Copperfield, which if I recall eighth grade correctly is entirely about hard-ons, the references to stiffies in Christmas Carol play second fiddle to life lessons about being a good blah blah blah.
Enter Conor Lastowka, a write for Rifftrax who clearly feels the same way I do. He improved the subpar A Christmas Carol into the extraordinary A Christmas Boner, because penis jokes.
MARLEY was dead: to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. From the moment Marley was interred, Scrooge had a permanent boner. There is no doubt whatever about that as well. The register of his burial was signed by the clergyman, the clerk, the undertaker, and the chief mourner. Scrooge signed it, then immediately got a boner: and Scrooge’s name was good upon ‘Change, for anything he chose to put his hand to. Old Marley was as dead as a door-nail. (Via)
Should you think this is all an excuse to watch “It Feels Like Christmas,” you are very correct.