TLC’S TOP 5 MOST DISTURBING SERIES

Like the Indian tracker he is, Uproxx’s own Ufford has been following The Learning Channel’s programing activity for quite some time now. Never one to disappoint, you can rest assured that TLC operates just like any other fine Al Jazeera network, scheduling the most uncomfortably awkward television shows, twenty-four-seven. From cake programs to wedding planners, brain injuries to handicaps, I have to assume that the TLC’s broadcast tower is being ran by an ex-physician turned gay party planner. It’s pretty obvious really, if you think about it.

But amongst TLC’s programing randomness, there is one overtly obvious constant: they love themselves some shockingly exploitive series. Forget the shows focusing on fashion faux pas and awfully sh–y tattoos, I’m here to discuss the dark, seedy pulp they attempt to transmit when we’re least paying attention. I mean, when did that channel turn into the Recessive Gene Network? Was it a Tuesday? Yeah, must have been a Tuesday. It’s like the TLC executives are just skipping down hallways in random Midwestern hospitals, handing out shows to patients like they were Oprah Winfrey.

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A Guide To a Popular YouTube Video

So you want to be famous, but possess absolutely no useful skills, talents or interesting personality whatsoever. It would seem all is lost, but don’t despair, there is still the mostly untapped realm of YouTube famous. This video hosting site which in the past was mainly used for bootlegging movies and TV shows had long lost its geek façade and is now a universal media where any horrible loser such as yourself can shine brighter than an exploding neon-sh*t factory.

If it is fame you crave, simply follow this simple guide to a popular YouTube video and before you know it, you will be snorting cocaine-infused champagne off Finish models’ buttocks (that is what famous people do, right?)

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An Idiot’s Guide to 12 Second Videos

Until recently, the best way to record and send 12 second videos to your friends and family was through PornHub. Or so I was told by my friends. In retrospect, things have been awkward lately and for some reason my mom won’t return my phone calls. Either way, the inception of 12seconds.tv was for the purpose of sending short-but-sweet status updates to our friends, family and followers.

Like a rodeo, but not.

The site claims that “anything longer than 12 seconds is boring,” echoing a sentiment that I have long shared with my ex-girlfriends. Really, there’s no reason that the creators picked the number 12 other than for gimmick, unless the world’s about to end in 12 seconds and they want us all to be able to tell our loved ones how much we’ve cheated on or stolen from them.

While I’m hardly a Luddite, I’m terrible with new internet fads. When people were rocking to iTunes, I was jamming on WinAmp. When people were updating their statuses on Facebook, I was still on MySpace. Until two days ago, I assumed Foursquare was a game I sucked at in elementary school. My friends who are more advanced in the social networking game have recently pushed me to try a variety of new apps, including 12 seconds. “You’re going to love this,” one friend proclaimed. Yeah? Well I was also supposed to love driving a Toyota.

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MAKE YOUR OWN 3D VIDEO CAMERA WITH STABILIZER FOR $300 OR LESS

Since Hollywood has decided everything has to be in 3D now, from Isaac Asimov’s The Foundation to The Green Lantern to The Bible and Cats and Dogs 2, I guess the rest of us have to imitate them. (I do everything I see on TV, and my parents have the lawsuit proceeds to prove it.)  But 3D cameras are expensive.  For example, this one is over $10,000 and still cheap compared to some of the competition.  Sony is planning to release a less expensive, consumer-friendly 3D camera, but, in the meantime, why not kick it old school and build your own HD anaglyph 3D camera?
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10 UFC SPONSORS WHO MAKE ME EMBARRASSED TO LIKE UFC

I don’t want to expend too much energy trying to prove to you my big brain cred, but let’s just say that between my numerous degrees from high-priced universities and a drawing room that smells of leather-bound books and the panties of only the classiest Craigslist casual encounters hookups, I’m quite the cultured intellectual.  My staggering intellect notwithstanding, there’s nothing I enjoy more than the sight of two sweaty dudes in their underwear beating the piss, crap, blood, and snot bubbles out of each other.  That’s right, I’m talking about mixed martial arts.  To the less initiated, UFC.  I’m smart, and I love it.  And so do many of my smartest friends; doctors, lawyers, rocket scientists, and quadriplegic physicists among them.  It’s arguably more strategic than any sports involving balls, and it involves the inherent possibility that the cerebral, better-prepared, more intelligent fighter will prevail over the belligerent, beef-headed meatbrain, in an outcome that’s as unambiguous as it is unconscious.  And what intelligent person wouldn’t love that?  …Steve?  F-ck Steve, everyone knows Steve’s a p-ssy.

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How To Get Hired with Social Networking

Everybody wants a job right now, the unemployment rate being what it is, and finding that job can be harder than your ex-boss’s skull. Luckily, we live in an age where networking doesn’t involve calling all your friends, it involves being out there in the public. It’s easy to catch attention, and you can do it by:

#1) Getting your resume online

The best way to do this is with a clean, simple webpage that makes reading your resume easy. Make it easy to find; tie it to your blog or your own web domain. Make it a specific, easy to remember link. And then make sure that link is in every profile on every social networking site you maintain. If somebody wants to know more about you, your resume should be the first thing they see.

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