Warner Brothers, Legendary Pictures, and Toho have announced the release date for their new Godzilla movie which they teased at San Diego Comic-Con with footage First Showing said “could be the most realistic and grounded approach to Godzilla yet.” The press release predictably promises they “will return the character to its epic roots with a gritty, realistic actioner.” That wording, and the announcement that this will be 3D, makes me want punch a building into the sea. Can we all agree the word actioner is a buzzword that needs to die, preferably dousing itself with gasoline then hugging the word gritty and setting both alight?
Rage about press release language aside, this version of Godzilla will be written by David Callaham (The Expendables), David Goyer (the Dark Knight trilogy), and Max Borenstein (The Seventh Son). Gareth Edwards, who was snapped up after a financially-successful debut with Monsters, will direct.
They just announced a release date of May 16th, 2014. That’s the same opening day as the Michael Bay produced Ninja Turtles remake. Wait, two mutated reptile movies in one weekend? My emotions!
They should settle who gets to open that weekend with a dance battle:
Or a basketball game:
Or just leave them competing for the same weekend and we’ll just have to DEAL WITH IT.
[Pictures via Reddit and Comics Alliance.]
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Because nothing has screamed “Godzilla” to his legions of fans like gritty realism.
I thought the TMNT Bay movie wasn’t happening anymore?
I don’t know. I’m just not feeling it. Now, if you were to throw him up in a loft in the city with some sassy friends and no visible means of income? Now, that I could get behind. Maybe add in a wacky neighbor or two to ensure some crazy misunderstandings. I’d call it… Giant Death Lizard & Friends.
wait… hang on. I’m getting a phone call.
…
mhmm. ok.
…
Well, I’ll see you douches later. NBC just gave me a two season development deal. Stupider, out!
Godzilla should always be “guy in a rubber suit” over CGI. That’s how you return to your roots.
Exec #1: “We have to stay true to the spirit of these films. These films were part of people’s lives, and inspired millions of fans in Asia and across the globe. We MUST honor that.”
Exec #2: “So we’ll have a guy in a rubber suit?”
Exec #1: “Good God no, that’s fucking ridiculous. Gritty realism centered around a young man’s journey towards his heroic destiny. With someone getting pissed on by a giant CGI effect. That’s what people want to see.”
The greatest Godzilla movie ever will be made by Pixar.
And he will speak English fluently.