Conan O’Brien does a “Clueless Gamer” segment on Conan in which he plays video games (usually with Aaron Bleyaert). So far he’s reviewed Skyrim, Minecraft, Halo 4, Resident Evil, Just Dance 4, and Hitman: Absolution. In perhaps my favorite of these so far, Conan channels his inner (outer?) pervert to review Tomb Raider starring Lara (Laura?) Croft.
As Conan played the game on a limited edition controller (“made out of marzipan”), he becomes enraptured with Lara Croft’s appearance. Then there’s a brief moment to slam the elderly (Aaron: “Run towards the light.” | Conan: “Yeah, that’s what I tell every old person I see.”) But then we go right back to the perv talk. “You drive for a little bit. I’m just gonna perv out. GOD THOSE PANTS ARE TIGHT. I LOVE YOU!” Conan says. “God, you’d think that top would come off at some point.”
After a short break, Conan informs us he’s been asked to “tone it down on the pervy stuff.” From there, the game takes a darker tone. “I hate tombs,” Lara Croft says. Conan replies to the TV, “Yeah, guess what, THEN DON’T BE A TOMB RAIDER.”
Then it gets really morbid when Conan tries to play the sequence with the spike-filled river rapids, in which Croft dies a particularly brutal death if the player chooses poorly. Conan chooses poorly. Many times. It ends with him punching Aaron Bleyaert and declaring, “This game makes you fall in love with her and lose her over and over and over again in a very painful way. So this was like high school all over again for me.”
He didn’t even have a chance to mourn.