Just a few minutes ago, the president of the United States of America stepped up to the podium in the White House briefing room to discuss his birth certificate. The assembled members of the press in attendance were each holding a copy of said birth certificate, and every television network interrupted its regularly scheduled programing to carry the address live to the nation. And this, ladies and gentlemen, was the precise moment where America reached its stupid vortex. It’s pretty much official now — we’re all just characters in Mike Judge’s Idiocracy. We might as well just go all the way and start watering our plants with Four Loko.
Standing before us all like the lone adult in a room full of unruly children, President Obama calmly explained that the reason he was finally addressing this is because America is basically f*cked, and we’re not going to become unf*cked any time soon if we continue to be “distracted by sideshows and carnival barkers” — a clear shot at human horsesh*t dispenser Donald Trump and the rest of the lowest common denominator-pandering assclowns in the Republican party. He didn’t mention it specifically, but I firmly believe Obama was spurned into action once he learned that the batshit crazy birthers had even begun taking over the message boards on Amazon.com.
“We do not have time for this kind of silliness,” Obama told the nation of drooling buffoons he presides over. “We’ve got better stuff to do. I’ve got better stuff to do.”
And here, AGAIN, is the president’s birth certificate…
Hahaha…KIDDING!!! But don’t you kind of wish this is what Obama would have done instead — just walked up to the podium, extended his arm, stuck out his middle finger, looked into the camera and said, “Tell me how my ass tastes, retards!”
Here’s the actual birth certificate…
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/41/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/06/tv-donald-trump-apprentice.jpeg-1280x960-e1371145771349-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/obama_prom_photos_0011-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/trump-150x150.png)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/trump-tweets-150x150.jpg)
Real Talk: if we’re that stupid, does that make him more uppity?
Why do I think the collective birther/tea bag response will be something along the lines of “hurr durr”?
Clearly he didn’t want to release this because he didn’t want people knowing his mom’s name is Stanley.
@Nussy…Maybe Obama was the product of gay marriage?!?!?!?! HMMMMMMMM!!!
And Fox News already has an opinion piece about how “No Politician Can Run From the Truth” and discusses how pols can’t cover things up in a post-Watergate world. WTF!? The President releases papers definitively proving what he has stated all along, and somehow he was involved in a cover-up. Clearly the only thing to do now is impeach him for not lying about being born in the US.
What’s funny is he could have cleared this up by releasing a simple, impersonal record during the campaign and no one would be talking about this right now. He is acting a little too high and mighty for someone who coulda/shoulda have taken care of this 2 years ago.
@Hmm, I really hate Birthers (and people with no teeth except for hockey players), but you do have a good point. Why did this drag on for so long?
Cajun Boy is my hero.
@Hmm and Mighty High…I think it dragged out because the White House didn’t want to legitimize these idiots by responding to their every whim. And besides, it made the other side look bad. But Trump running around took the topic more into the mainstream, and at that point I think they wanted to nip it in the bud before it became urban legend or something. That’s my opinion anyway.
@conor…You are mine, so we’re even.
Im someone that hates racism but i really think that we need it right now. Not against black, asians, hispanics or people of any other race, but against these backwards stupid people that are afraid of nothing being led but a bias “news” network at tells more lies than a pathological lier.
Like Obama said no matter how much information is released to the public, no matter how much he tries to prove something that almost no other political leader has had to in the past, people will still question what ever he says.
And if you think that the United States will be better off with Trump in charge? The poor and destitute people of America which includes these backward people that worship any racist untrue statement that Fox News makes will be effected.
Dont come crying to me when Trump privatised everything and makes it unable for someone that doesn’t make more than 60K a year to get near-adquate health care and education and to be able to live a life that they want.
@Hmm and Mighty High — But HE DID!!! The ‘short-form’ birth cert, which is all that is legally required in each of the 50 states and DC to prove birth status, was released in 2008 during the campaign. But the Birthers didn’t find that document sufficient, just like many/most won’t find the latest document sufficient. The only reason the WH released the long-form cert is because Trump was given media coverage few birthers get, and none of the media (CNN, MSNBC, Fox, etc.) would bother to report the idiocy of his and the other birthers’ rantings.
You can lead a nutjob to the truth but you can’t make him/her believe it….
I hate Obama. I think he’s a terible leader, and has boarderline retarded economic views. His vision for the country is backwards and I want him out of office.
That said, he is our president. He was voted into office, and he is our leader. Like it or not. This kind of bullshit takes away from the real issues that are plaguing our nation. Focusing on the minutia while letting big issues flounder is the most assinine thing on the planet.
I’m glad he stopped this before the retarded right (that give real republicans a bad name) started grassroots campaigns in the scooter rental at walmart.
Yes we are that stupid. Period.