It was only October of last year when the New Orleans Pelicans debuted their new mascot, Pierre the Pelican, to an incredible and overwhelming display of mockery by the Internet. It didn’t help that a lot of NBA and sports fans in general weren’t very receptive to the Pelican as a mascot, despite the bird’s relevance to both the state of Louisiana and the sports history of New Orleans. But to bring out this hideous kid-loving monster that looked like someone slapped a cartoon clitoris on the San Diego Chicken’s face was something that simply no one was prepared for. That’s why nobody was really surprised when the Pelicans recently announced that Pierre would be undergoing “surgery” for a new beak.
In case you need a refresher, this is what Pierre looked like on his first night of work…
That quickly led to a barrage of photoshops like this delightful GIF…
Hell, Pierre’s creepy lady button face even inspired more traditional artists to pen such tributes as this…
So how do you decide that it’s time to fix this bulbous beak mistake and spin it with all the creativity and charm that a professional sports franchise’s marketing department is known for? You make a video that shows Pierre “breaking” his beak and “suffering a concussion” that will put him out of action until he has corrective surgery.
You even get the team’s physician to issue a professional-sounding medical statement so people say, “Haha, it’s like the fake bird’s horrible injury actually happened!”
Then, after enough time has passed and there’s a mild demand to know what this beast’s new face will look like, you unveil the kinder, gentler, only slightly-less-creepy face of Pierre on Twitter.
What can I say? It actually looks a lot more like a huggable pelican puppet and less like Nancy Grace gave birth to Chewbacca. The only complaint that I’d still register is that there’s no unibrow. Anthony Davis may not be a franchise star just yet, but with the culture of the NBA superstar today, a team needs to start kissing ass from Day One if it wants to keep a top pick like David in uniform for the best years of his career. It’s only another few inches of felt, but it would go a long way.
I want more like this!
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