“Well hello there Cupertino, California city council. So nice to see all of your smiling faces. So look, here’s the deal. I want to do a little expanding of the old Apple campus in town. Now, I’ve been thinking about this for a long time, and what I really wanna do is build a giant f*cking space ship — a giant f*cking spaceship capable of housing 12,000 employees. You don’t have any objection to that, do you? Of course you don’t.
Wait, what’s that you say, person whose name I don’t know and don’t ever care to know? You’re worried that a giant f*cking spaceship in the middle of town might look, what, gaudy? Well, you know, I could always up and move my company to some place else in the Valley, some place else that NO ONE HAS EVER HEARD OF AND WOULD LOVE TO BE PUT ON THE MAP AS A MECCA FOR TECHNOLOGICAL ADVANCEMENT. And I mean, I’m sure you won’t miss the tax revenue at all. Surely you’ll find other income streams to write checks to yourselves from, right?
What’s that, you want me to consider providing free wi-fi for the entire town in exchange for approving my plans to build my giant f*cking spaceship? Well what about those aforementioned tax dollars me and my company have bestowed upon you over the past two decades or so? Can’t you find the money to pay for that somewhere in that HERCULEAN PILE OF CASH?! Come to think of it, why am I even paying taxes to you at all? You know, there are plenty of other cities and towns out there that would love to have us and would gladly bend over and take a high hard one from me, STEVE F*CKING JOBS, in order to obtain the prestige, talent and collateral riches involved with having Apple Inc. headquartered in their community. JUST SAYING.
Now, any more questions?”
(HT: Atlantic Wire)
I want more like this!
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